Friday, September 29, 2017

Sir's girl no more

This morning after a couple of months of wondering, Whats going on? Why have things changed?
I wanted to know.
I needed to know.
I felt the right to know.
I felt unwanted and unloved.
Maybe it was nothing to do with me, but whatever was happening it was impacting me.
After unsuccessful attempts to see Him to talk to Him. I asked:
'Do you want to keep seeing me?'
' ...Yes'
then a change,
'No.. actually I think a break may be a good idea.'

nothing more,
nothing said,
nothing offered,
after 6 years of my implicit trust... nothing more than cool indifference.

He has been my secret for all this time. I write it here then for an anonymous world. For no-one and everyone to see. Heart on fucking sleeve! I write it for me.

I feel deeply hurt.

There have been two men in my life. Two men I have loved and both I have trusted.

One of these men took me to depths of trust. He slowly built that trust until He had it more deeply than I thought anyone could trust another human.  He could do anything He wanted to me and with me and I trusted Him implicitly. He had my life and well-being in His bare massive, strong hand. I never thought I'd be hurt by Him.

So what do I do when the love affair is finished?  What happens when Sir isn't Sir anymore? What happens when the ring comes off? What happens when you can't get off the couch? Just confusion! What just happened?


  1. I am so sorry to hear this, little, I am sending you a bunch of virtual huge hugs across the world xxx

  2. That is so sad to hear of your break up. That is a twats trick to give you no reason, has the man no heart. If I could I would give you my shoulder to cry on, arms to hug and hold you tight, and an ear to pour out your worries. I hope you come out of this crisis very quickly.
    Hugs Ashley xx

  3. This makes me so sad little. I have been wondering how you have been, given your long silence. Rest, reflect, relive, then recommit to realizing who you are. You will recover!

  4. You dry your tears, get off the couch, and move on. You can't find what you are looking for, or what you need, unless you move on...

    peace and love

  5. Talk about it. Write how you feel. Feel how how feel. One day you feel strength to build again. But, it will not be today. I wish it was. Been there done that.... today, tomorrow ,the day after.... lean on us to help you.

  6. I am sad. and deeply moved by your words. sending virtual hugs over to you. And strength and peace and courage to carry on.

  7. Oh no. I am here as I always was, as you were for me. Thinking of you, hoping you can find the strength. xxx

  8. gosh little only seeing this awful for you I really hope you are keeping well and able to move on....take care and hugs for you.


  9. It is fantastic to hear other people’s experiences with a lifestyle situation that is so honest and real.

  10. I really enjoyed this piece hoping you can find the courage to carry on.

  11. Wow that was odd. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked
    submit my comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say superb blog!

  12. Very nice article, totally what I was looking for.


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