And that last question I have been asked in curious March from His slut-
At one point in the last year a part implied you were ready to throw in the towel on your submission. Do you think it is that easy to give up once you've experienced it and discovered all that you have learned about yourself?
Thanks for your question Hs. I have recurring and constant doubt about my submission, more particularly about the authenticity of my submission. I don't get tattoos because I am a changeable girl though there are a few constants in my life. So far I haven't booted my hub out and I still keep my teenage child around just to torture myself it seems (maybe I am more a masochist than I like to admit!), but there are times when I believe that this submission thing might be a phase I am going through. I think that for me it's difficult to sustain the expression of my submission as I don't live with my Dom in a 24/7 dynamic. In addition to that I don't feel I belong solely to my Sir. I have a husband and I find it increasingly difficult to be available to Sir at His bidding both emotionally and physically. Sir is not demanding in that sense and respects the difficulties I face in trying to be available to Him, however, at times I do find it an unrelenting but internal pressure that runs me down. This is entirely a pressure I put myself under. I want to be available to Sir, at His bidding but as it stands at the moment I cannot. I find therefore that the expression of my submission is incomplete, snatched in glimpses of alone time sometimes like I would imagine the in-authenticity of the love affair relegated to the office cleaning closet.
Your point about not being able to give up once having tasted the honey is very true. I guess it's not my submission that is the problem, but the opportunity to express it and then sometimes this girl just needs alone time. When she is trying to split herself between near full time work, family and Sir, when she is trying to 'have it all', she just gets a little worn out and frazzled. It's at these times mostly that the girl doubts her submission, or at least her commitment to submission.