As I was pushed, flogged, whipped, I realised that I wanted it so intensely that I didn't care anymore for the consequences. By consequences, I don't mean harm. I know, I just know there will never be harm. He is far too cautious, too careful, too sane. But yesterday I let go of the worries I harbour about going home with marks. Yesterday my need out-weighed my fear of consequences.
I was free in that moment. I was a sweaty insane mess of need and I was free. I was grateful for the treatment at His hand that I could barely endure. I was grateful for His belief in me when I said I needed His cold, strict, Steel.