Tuesday, August 26, 2014

wilted under the veil..

I have been thinking lately about my place in my own world. There are shifts and ebbs and flows in me.

My non-Dom hub is still chugging along in my life but I don't feel as I used to feel. We went away together for a week, no family, just us. It was like wearing a comfortable old jumper. It was nice, we shared walks and meals but I was aware that I was going through familiar motions. Learned behaviours, habitual movement, routine workaday gesture.
There is no heat.
No fire,
no life.

I feel sad for this loss. I am aware of a contradiction though.  I am currently sitting on the couch with the laptop on my lap and my feet resting on non-Dom's lap.

in truth I crave the freedom of no relationship. No responsibility.

Is it my dalliance with the s in D/s, my mambo with the m in SM, the boogaloo in the b to His D in the BDSM, that hs brought me to this?

The grass is ALWAYS greener is it not?

photographer unknown

11 comments:

  1. Hi little. I think of your situation occasionally and I always hope that the "very thing" you need will be a constant part of your life. Forgive me for not knowing already, but have been able to experience the unmitigated joy of submission/slavery in real life? In your search, have you considered submitting to a Domme?

    I find your blog uteterly fascinating. I truly do with that find and get what you need little.

    XO

    subhubphx

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    Replies
    1. Hi subhub. Thank you for your comment. I am able to submit in reality to my Sir. We are not life partners and cannot be as we both have other committments. This goes some small way to giving me relief in the need to explore this side of myself and give Sir what he desires.A good yin and yang in our dynamic. I have wondered about a Domme in the past though I admit to a certain amount of fear in submitting to a Domme without Sir's oversight for a variety of reasons.

      Thank you for your compliments. I am glad you find some interest in what is written here.You are welcome anytime.

      L

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  2. It's just human nature. Even when people envies what we have, we are looking over the fence at greener pastures. But it's even more so, when we are not happy about things in our daily lives...

    peace and love
    1ManView

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    Replies
    1. You speak very wisely 1MV. Thank you.

      L

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  3. I so understand this all. I just spent a month with my non-Dom husband with no kids. We didn't do jack shit.I felt a real sense of loss. I know you don't get to and out makes me sad. I have started the divorce process. I'm looking forward to it over but at the same time upset by it.

    Your last question. Perfectly worded!

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    Replies
    1. It is hard to end somethng that ws once good and fulfilling. My thoughts are with you.
      L x

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  4. This struck a few familiar chords, Little - I battle with the same conflicts daily, and greener grass is such a temptation. And I know exactly what you mean by the comfy old jumper although I am fortunate in that I could never bear a life without Mrs Clive, even though it means that I am resigned to a life as a pretend 'dominant' and unfulfilled subbie!

    Just bear in mind that greener pastures can dry up

    Big hugs
    xxx

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    Replies
    1. I envy Mrs Clive your devotion. Clive do you play at Dominance with Mrs Clive? I am aware that you have taken the Dom role in the past.

      L x

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    2. Sadly, no - there is a little Dom in me but Mrs Clive is completely 'non-kinky' I have tried (e.g. the photo of her tied to a post) but there was hell to pay afterwards! ("this is just wierd Clive, I don't like it") But in all other aspects of life she likes me to 'lead' and her to follow. I would enjoy domming her in the bedroom, of course!

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  5. i know exactly how you are feeling little...sighs

    hugs
    blossom

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