I was silly and stupid and did a dangerous thing. I could have hurt myself or worse, or someone else.
Sir said 'No'.
He said 'Stop'
He told me what to do...and I did not hear, I was not listening.
I am ashamed and remorseful about my behaviour.
I have apologised.
He said 'These things happen'.
I thought it can't be that easy but I took him at his word.
I was aware that deep down I wanted him to not be calm and patient and wipe it away with well these things happen.
I wanted him to be stern, I wanted him to say there will be consequences.
Eventually I said, 'Will I be punished for this'. It took me a while to ask. I didn't want him to think I misbehaved in order to incur his wrath. I have poked before to gain a slap, but I have never willfully engaged in risky behaviours.
He replied in a ringing endorsement 'OF COURSE, YES.'
I felt strangely calmed. I am aware of a new range of emotions. Oh! Yes he does care. The exact opposite of how I have felt about corporeal punishment in my life, my vanilla life, to date.
|photographer unkown - source: For the love of a sub photogallery|