Tuesday, August 20, 2013

question 1 - subspace

I received my very first question today and after trying to answer it privately but failing to get the email to work so I have posted it here. I would like to reference the writer and their blog but as I have not got their permission I will not include their identity.

I have a question for you. I know you have gone into subspace with your Dom. My question, this is a point I want to reach with Sir. He is aware of this, and states I am not ready to be there yet. I do feel I am not because in part I struggle with control. I think my other issue is that I know if I reach it that we need time afterwards. He needs to make sure I am safe before I drive home, etc, and we don't always have much time. I think subconsciously I realize this so I don't allow myself to even try and go there.
How do you handle the time factor into the equation?
Thank you for any insight. I greatly appreciate it.

Thank you for this question though I am not sure how much help I will be. (Not an expert am I grasshopper).

Subspace is a hard concept  for me to understand. I am not sure I believe it exists. I am someone who needs to understand the physiology of such things and this thing called subspace.. I do not. Admittedly I have done no research either. There is no denying however that I have visited a dreamy and quiet place where pain and incidental thought no longer exists.

The first time it happened to me was during a particularly hard flogging (for me not for Him he would say!). It was getting harder to endure the pain, the force. I felt myself beginning to panic and in that moment I took a deep breath, relaxed and just let go. I let my mind stop, I let the pain and panic go. This is the way I visit there most times. I have also visited there after cumming very hard (he says the girl comes hard!) at other times its from the overwhelming feeling of the 'assault' on my body, face slapping etc. Sometimes it just happens and sometimes I consciously retreat into it. I think you are right though, if this is what is described as subspace, I think it must come when one gives up control, when the brain stops chattering, when it stops resisting and flows with whatever is happening around it.

As far as needing time afterwards? In my case  I never have a feeling where I can't be roused to consciousness in order to drive. Having said that I wonder how it would be if I did not have the opportunity to be embraced and cuddled after a session where there was such intensity that my brain sought refuge in that floaty world of  'subspace.'

In my limited experience it will happen when it happens. The key may be to relinquish that control you are hanging on to and trust in your Sir and his process is the key to that. You may not believe it will happen but with patience and time it will all fall in to place.

(Are you laughing at this Daddy and D Sir? - They both spent a very long time telling me this in their own way and I spent a very long time in doubt!)

These are just my thoughts...

Anyone else?

photographer unknown


  1. Lil, thank you for answering, I appreciate it. He always gives me time afterwards, though sometimes not always a lot. Depends on what time it is when we finish, etc. i guess i worry that maybe i won't get enough time so i won't even allow myself the possibility. Granted, my brain often does stop thinking. Only Damn time it shuts up is with Him, but that floaty feeling has not happened. i think it's more adrenaline, excitement, etc because i'm finally getting something I've never gotten in my life-intensity, intimacy, etc. I've read the deeper you go, the more time you need afterwards, so that is where my trepidation begins with it all. Since you and i's situation parallel, i am grateful for your insight. Thank you!

  2. Subspace from the accounts i have read about varies from person to person..how it effects them, for me its when..gosh its hard to explain lol..i fly above the pain and lose myself, it can be a vunerable place to be.

    What i think is worth considering is that and i can only speak from my own experiences is that sometimes the subdrop doesnt come until much later perhaps even a few days as generally im on a high from the scene.....and i need time...his time.

    When it does i get clingy i just need his comfort, to be held and re-assured, and it cant be predicted...sometimes it could be a hard scene and im totally ok, but something mild could trigger me.

    it can be i think also quite scary

    1. Tori,

      Sub drop I've kind of experience. I'm not sure it falls under that umbrella, but if I don't get the opportunity to hear from him (his schedule, my schedule, etc) around 3 days later I become very unsure, I get needy, edgy, etc. I think he realized this pretty early on. Even if I don't reach subspace, the intimacy we shared always leaves me vulnerable & unsure. It is about day 3 that my mind processes what happened, what I liked, what I didn't like, what I want changed or to try now, etc. I think in part that triggers the neediness and re-assurance. I've noticed lately, He gives a way to respond, even if just a quick statement. That helps me so much. Of course, I want more, but it's enough to settle my nerves.

      He knows I want subspace. I know it will take time & trust. I think a part of me hold back because if he can't care for me properly afterwards due to time constraints for either one of us, I know it can be dangerous for me so I hold back. So, hence my question on the fear or lack of due to circumstances that may prevent proper after care.

    2. thanks Tori
      I had forgotten to consider subdrop. It happens very rarely for me now. It happened a few times in the beginning when Local D and I were in the earlier stages of knowing one another. I had realised that I haven't experienced it for a long time (and glad of it) I can tell you!

      Hmmmmm is there such a thing as 'Domdrop, Sir-drop, Master-down'?

    3. I have read that yes, Dom drop can occur. I hope a Dom can answer this question and share how subs can look for it and help.

    4. Dear little,

      Thank you for your post, you did answer the question very precisely. Just a quick comment on the subspace - I have my doubts about the existence of that place, too... Intense experience, intense combination of feelings, yes, but would I dedicate a name for this? I don't know.
      And I will try to answer the question of Dom drop. I can be more clear on this, yes, it exists. I myself try very hard to suppress these feelings and to act normally, but still, I think my sub would be able to tell the difference. What is the explanation for this? I would go for Doms too are only human...

    5. Hello David and welcome.
      Thank you for your comment. I m a great believer in the 'only human' nature of Dominant men/women. Not very submissive but I try to take great care to 'look after' my Sir...lol. I don;t think he would appreciate me saying that. oops!


    6. David,

      Thank you for your response. It's always great Top have a Dom's perspective.


    7. I think BIKSS would say that there IS a kind of Dom-drop too. Perhaps just from needing to know that I don't "blame" him for "torturing" or hurting me...

      but again, as subdrop is different for different people, so too, I suspect, is Domdrop.

  3. I haven't had that floaty feeling (yet). It sounds intriguing and scary at the same time. :)

    1. I don't think its ever scary so never fear, just peaceful and quiet ( if i have ever experienced it that what it is for me).

  4. I have and definitely do experience the euphoria of "subspace". Though many doubt it's existence.....it is certainly real. I too prefer having the answers as to the physiology, like little......and working in medicine, researching BDSM within the context of medical care......I can provide some explanation.

    The "subspace" we experience is most likely due to your brain releasing dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin & vassopressin simultaneously during intense BDSM scenes, harsh (physically or emotionally) punishment, etc. And thus far....in medical research....this is one of only 3 known times that a brain releases all 4 of these hormones & neurotransmitters at the same time. Intriguing stuff. I wrote about the rarity & complexity of this on my own blog a month ago after finishing related research.

    The intensity of subspace will vary depending on the sub and the scene....but it certainly does exist.

    1. Imp- thanks for that! What a cocktail and now I really don't understand why we all don't stroke out with all that increased blood pressure and heartrate that must be associated...lol


    2. all i can say is i'm thankful I have blood pressure readings on the lower end of normal so any increase won't result in too much stroke-risk! LOL

      But yes, Irish Imp, thanks for the info.

  5. I have started experiencing subspace and the not so fun drop that follows a lot more often recently. For me, the more I surrender to his control mentally, the more the intense the times we see each other are. During my life, I have never been one to express my emotions much. Even when I was really happy or sad, I could keep it under control and appear fine to the outside world. This has been one of the few times where I can let go and while I am in the middle of it, the high is amazing but the crash afterwards scares the hell out me. Lately it manifests itself in hysterical crying. It's all so unlike me but in the end, I know it has made me a better person who is more in touch with herself.


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