Friday, May 31, 2013

the ball gag

A ball gag entered His repertoire. It made an appearance on the bench one day when they met in the room. She had been trepidatious about the gag. She never liked the look of a gagged girl in the pictures she had seen. He had been guiding her through her submission and as she sank more deeply into it, allowing Him to peel back the layers of who she thought she might be, of who He knew she was. She handed Him more and more control over her.

He was very patient. He had found her by chance. She had wandered into his sphere, sitting quietly  watching the passing parade. She belonged to no one, was accountable to no man and had no experience in the life she needed to explore. She was naive and like a sparkling shiny new coin He would place her in His pocket taking her out when He wanted to warm Her in his hand, playing her in His fingers.

He stood near her calm and unmoving. She had politely thanked him as she declined.  He watched her over time as she sat quietly. He showed her His hand and patiently waited for her to come to Him and in time she came. He had waited patiently for this one. There was something in her manner that told Him she would be the right one for Him.

He remained firm and unswerving as he lead her through their journey. She was cautious and nervous. Her trepidation skirted fear and it took Him time to draw her absolute and unquestioning trust. He would wait to push some things, with others he had no tolerance for her hesitation and demanded compliance.

He placed the ball gag on the bench one day and her eyes passed and then caught on the black rubber ball. The shiny black leather straps with red stitching matched the collar she wore around her soft throat and the cuffs sported on her ankles and wrists. She realised at that moment that he had always planned this. He had owned the gag for as long as he had owned her leather, her body and now her mind. He possessed her. She knew that now. She was His and she trusted Him with everything inside her. She trusted His judgement. She trusted that she was His and He would keep her safe, this treasured possession of his.

As she knelt before Him, her wrist clasped to her ankles, He held the ball gag millimetres from her face.

"Open your mouth."

She complied as he had no doubt she would. She was nervous, she had never wanted to be gagged she had told Him in the beginning. It was something that she couldn't put a finger on. Why was she so adverse to the idea? Why were the pictures so unpleasant? She thought it humiliating as she considered more deeply. The drooling, the look. It looked silly she thought. It was humiliating to think of herself as one of those girls on a dog leash, or to serve an alcoholic beverage with a tray attached to her breasts, or to serve wine with a horses bit in her mouth. She hated those pictures, they repelled her and she hoped never to be required to submit to those activities.

In truth the girl liked to be the centre of attention and not some pretty but invisible ornament on the side of the action. She like to be that centre that pleased Him, giving Him pleasure, knowing His smile was because He admire her and her submission to Him, for Him. She knew she had a long way to travel in this journey and the ball gag was only the beginning of the next phase.

As she took the ball in her mouth, the taste and odour of the rubber reminded her of the smell of the small ball she used to throw to her dog when she was a child. She didn't know what she had expected but she was sure it wasn't a flood of memories from a much littler girl. She bowed her head as he reached from in front of her tightening the strapping and fastening the buckle at the back of her head. Her hair was fastened under the strapping. Immediately she felt saliva begin to pool behind the ball and any attempt to swallow it was difficult at best. The attempt to swallow consumed her. Thoughts of loss of control over a basic physiological function of her body, drooling from her gagged mouth and her loss of grace were not comfortable thoughts. Her attempts to swallow her shame were made more difficult by her inability to raise her head. Her head was not restrained by rope, chain, hand or word and still her head remained bowed. She was unable to lift her face to Him. She was unable to meet His gaze. She was humiliated, she was hiding her shame.

His finger hooked her chin and lifted her face. Her eyes remained downward.

"Beautiful," She heard Him say, "Just beautiful."

Her humiliation pooled at the corners of her mouth. Though she hoped for an end to this activity she was aware of the growing erotic pleasure running through the miniscule fibres that made her body sizzle. His hand traced her body, face and hair. His fingers slid between her slick lips testing her pleasure, tasting her heat.

Restrained, gagged, wet, with hard and lustful nipples and swollen lips, He made her scream. A muffled gagged scream of joy and need. She was His hot, seething, wet, drooling, sweated mess. Her grace retained for Him in her submission.

From then on when she came to the room she would beg Him for the ball and leather.

He would always grant her wish...if she begged nicely. / Photographer unknown

Friday, May 17, 2013

submission 17 - trust issues

17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?


Trust is the foundation and the key to my submission.

photographer unknown

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sweet 16 - thirty days of submission

16) Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

Well I should start by saying I have only ever had one real life D/s relationship. Others have been solely on line and yes all have been different. The difference has come with my level of confidence and trust in the man in charge. The character of my submission has changed with my discovery of self, how much I have been willing to embrace my submissive self.

Apart from me, it depends entirely on the Dominant man (there's a turn up for the books...who'd have thought?) and His style. Some styles bring out different aspects of me, different personalities. He might find the lil girl, the young lady, the kinky bitch or the willing slut. Different men have all brought out their own version of me, I kind of like that. They let me be who they inspire me to be.

I have never explored TTWD with a woman but as Local D will attest, its not something I would say no too. I would like to explore my submission with a Domme..but I have been very shy. I would never approach another woman, equally I would not turn one away.

Down the rabbit hole with you Alice!

photographer unknown

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

good manners & the blogging keyboard

I am always a little perplexed at why some people feel the need to criticise or add comment to blog post that are aggressive hidden in the passive aggressive or at best down right rude.

I acknowledge that in blogland we invite comment / connection however I don't know that these same people would be so quick to make their judgement or criticism explicit if they were face to face. The problem as always lay with the keyboard and anonymity. I believe that at heart these commenters are cowardly and should look to filling their own lives while they desist in their attempts to save others from their apparently immoral fate.

I received a recent and I thought scathing comment. A judgement from within the commenter's paradigm. A man who apparently thought he knew me well enough to understand my life story, though we have never met, but lacked the wisdom to understand that his cultural mores are not a shared set of rules between us. He judged from his own world and denied that culturally we are possibly dissimilar. I found this assumption and his comment insulting though I chose not to answer or to remove it. His ignorance of these concepts of difference though tiresome and all too regular in our world, should be forgiven. Perhaps he is not deep thinker, though I suspect he fancies himself so. His lack of good manners however can not be forgiven.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013


The conversation went something like this:

"Sir? I think I need a rule from you around exercise. In fact I think I need some rules. I need some control again." the text read.

"Yes you do."

"I will make a list which you will follow without question."

When I read that my heart pounded with excitement, my pussy clenching and a grew breathless.

"Yes Sir. Thank you. xxx"

"My pleasure as always."

He know just how to make a girl's day :)

Photographer unknown

Monday, May 13, 2013

A longitudinal survey - submissive type test (3)

I have taken this sub type test over a period of about 3 yrs. A bit of a curiosity. I have just repeated the submissive type test again (the results from February 2011 and July 2010 are below these).  Though I doubt this is a validated analytic tool, it interesting to see the changing trends and that I remain in the 'Slave' bent...hmmm still not sure about that. What is interesting is my growing submission over the last three years (from 43% (2010) to 53% (2011) and now a whopping great 71% in 2013). Is this the 'training' and mentoring I have received through the two featured men in this blog (Daddy and Local D)? Though my need to serve has remained relatively constant over the last couple of years, my need to experience humiliation has decreased to levels where frankly I thought they always should have been. I am not too much one for public humiliation, private yes..but public..nah! So with the keen analysis over....
Your result for The submissive type Test ... (May 2013)
You scored 33% Humiliation, 71% Submissiveness, 73% Service, and 50% Pain!
You're the slave, you scored high in both submissiveness and service, you probably want to be owned by someone, you feel the need to relinquish your power over to someone else and to service him. You are the ideal partner for 24/7 Owner/slave relationships, whether you like or dislike pain is a matter of taste, hence with humiliation, but I would bet that the chances are you enjoy them sometimes but the most important thing is whether your Dom will enjoy doing those things to you.

        Your Analysis (Vertical line = Average)

    Humiliation Distribution
    You scored 33% on Humiliation, higher than 37% of your peers.
    Submissiveness Distribution
    You scored 71% on Submissiveness, higher than 81% of your peers.
    Service Distribution
    You scored 73% on Service, higher than 76% of your peers.
    Pain Distribution
    You scored 50% on Pain, higher than 52% of your peers.


More tests we think you'll like

Saturday, May 11, 2013

30 days of submission - day 15 the submission evolution


Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

I have always been aware of something in me, the love of restraint, the excitement of being forced, the shame of the rape fantasy (albeit consensual..another dichotomy). Over the last 3 years or more a name to my desires has been recognised by me - submission. The future..I don't know, the fantasy is that I will live this 24/7. I don't think it will ever happen because non-Dom is, well just that, non-Dominant. To be give permission meet a Dom man who I am able to take into my life and really explore my submission has been wonderful. I have come to understand my submission a bit more and to embrace it. My doubts remain. Am I really submissive? Am I in a phase that will pass like so much more in my life? Am I inconstant? I think this is who I am, but can never be sure until the day I am allowed to explore this without restriction and in reality.

Photographer unknown

Daddy's birthday wish

Long overdue I set about my task, grateful that Daddy was a compassionate man and had allowed me more room to move than he might under normal circumstances. My task? For his birthday he wished me to masturbate, for Him, with him in my mind and in my desire and report it to him.

I lay in the dark cool night, my hand exploring my body. Daddy standing above me, looking at His girl with not very much of  hint on his face about the way he was feeling, the way I wished he might feel about His girl masturbating for Him. There is a glint in His eye a slight curl to the corner of His mouth. My eyes never lose contact with His.

I beg Him to touch me, to lay his large hands on me. He smiled,

"That is not what I asked for young lady."

Sighing from both need and pleasure I twirled my clit under my fingers. The pleasure built soon enough into a pressure.

"Sit in My lap girl and continue."

Sighing heavily I could feel  Sir's cock pressing hard through his pants against my skin, teasing His girl with the possibility of the ultimate pleasure. The whisper of his deep voice played in my ear and sent shivers through my body and causing my neck to curve so that my head curled into his hot lips and skin.

"My little slut is back. Here she is, where she belongs. She will beg me to let her cum. Just as it should be."

The words heightened the force of the blood rushing to my head. My pussy glistened with juice as my fingers dipped into the warmth of the swollen fleshy cunt. It built to a point I could barely hold.

"Please Sir may I cum now."

I knew he'd make me wait and I was right. Daddy's voice slow and low fashioned the words design to make his girl more desperate. 

"Now young lady do you think you deserve to cum, you have kept me waiting a very long time."

His hands squeezed my arse, his fingers dug in and hurt the flesh beneath them, I let out a tiny squeal. I know that would delight Daddy.

"Pleeeease Sir" I whimpered, "I can't hold it much longer." My fingers played furiously with my swollen and wet clit. I was dripping with need and desire to cum for Sir. He smiled calmly again and said those magic words,

"Cum NOW!"

My body shook as the waves rolled through my flesh, muscles stiffened, nipples hardened. Pleasure and pain with the forcefulness of the orgasm overwhelmed me and took my breath away. I had not cum for Daddy like this for a long time. I tried to lay silent but the air was forced from my lungs and a muffled cry escaped me. My body shook so hard I thought my head would burst. Then after only one I lay spent, proud that I had not let Daddy down. Falling into sleep I thought I would tell Him about this tomorrow.

Thank you Daddy xx

Photographer unknown