Tuesday, April 30, 2013

D/s and infidelity

I suspect Non-Dom knows that I continue to see Local D and I believe he is more comfortable not knowing the where and whens of our meetings. I continue to observe my commitment to Non-Dom in adhering to the boundaries and limitations he has laid down.

Non-Dom has not adhered to his commitment to me and acted in darkness and secrecy. This weighed heavily on me. Almost breaking me over the recent past. I will move gently to continue not to hurt Non-Dom. He has not been so careful with me. We have a love between us and I don't see that it will ever die. We have been through more in our life together than a lot of people should ever have to experience.

There is much I don't say here. It is not the forum for such personal and intimate detail. That is nobody's business but ours.

Photographer unknown

Sunday, April 28, 2013

'you are in your space' he said

I went to see Local D. I have lied to Non-Dom by omitting to tell him. I think he suspects I have seen Local D but he hasn't said anything and our relationship together remains loving.
I was excited to see Local D. He is an astute man, he is kind and the longer we have seen each other the more open he is with me. The more loving.
My most recent visit to him in the room I experienced something I had not before. He was playing with me, as he is want to do. My wrists clasped to my ankles behind me, my ankles clasped to each other, I knelt before my seated Sir. He played with my clit, with my pussy. My wetness building with each time I came. Each time my body and mind was overwhelmed by the waves moving through me. Dizzy and sweaty each time with the drama of the sensations that he allowed me. Arching my back he held the collar he had placed around my neck, stopping me from falling to the floor. Overcome by the strain on my body, I wished he had let go and allowed me to crash to the floor to seek the relief of moving away from the exquisite conflict of pleasure and pain.
After the fourth crescendo, or maybe fifth or more (I had lost count), the moisture dripped from my brow and my cunt. I became quiet for a very long time. Kneeling before him I found the quiet. Nothing in my head but one question- what is happening to me? Aware, warm and with no fretting for whether I was or wasn't doing the right or wrong thing...nothing, no wriggling, no giggling. All was quiet and warm. He released my wrists but my arms stayed where they were. Not moving. He looked into my eyes, telling me I was beautiful, perfect! His hands moved all over my body, my face, my hair. He was quiet and gentle.
He gripped my nipples with the clamps of clover, the ones he had given me with the dangling sweet singing bells. Usually I wince my displeasure as they always hurt but this time there was nothing! When he took them off, usually more wincing or a squeal... nothing!... Nothing! I absolutely felt no pain to anything he did. I knelt quietly while for the most part he just stroked me and caressed me.

I was grateful to him for allowing me to experience this quiet with his care. He could have done anything he desired. He had imbued in me compliance in the most fundamental way. All fears gone. Nothing but trust and living in that moment that lasted forever.
I had found my submission. I had found my obedience. I was where I was meant to be.
Photographer unknown

dishonest sub girl - disposed to lie, cheat, or deceive

Things have changed a little.

Non-Dom has withdrawn consent and rewarded my honesty with a lie. Those who don't agree with my choices and view my dalliance with Local D as not in keeping with any commitment I might have with Non-Dom will no doubt say 'well what did you expect L?'

I suppose I expected the consideration of the truth and honesty that I had (and he had) committed to.

So life moves on and  have made a decision. I am not ready to give up local D. He is answering a need that I cannot leave unanswered. So for the first time in my life with Non-Dom, I have lied to him. Omitting to tell him that I continue to see local D.

I am defiant in this.

Enough said...my journey continues.