Friday, February 15, 2013

the balance of ttwd

 
Squirrel posed a question on the previous post that as I finished replying to, I realise that it was as long as a post...so...
It is wonderful how you have balanced your need for D/s with your marriage. If it's not too intrusive, can I ask how your non-Dom hub feels about your time with Daddy? -Squirrel
I have thought about this a bit before replying.  I must say at the outset I am not having a passionate love affair with local D (who is, by the way a different man to Daddy). Ours was a considered partnership in the beginning (of course it has evolved since then). It was a defined dynamic based on revealing to each other our needs and our circumstances. We explained our limitations to each other (not in a D/s kind of way, but in our lives) and the impact of that on any play relationship we attempted. We were both very careful to mark out our boundaries with each other.

My boundaries were based entirely on family commitments and rules that Non-Dom Hub required me to observe in any dynamic I might seek. I have abided by his wishes. Local D agreed to them because they really quite fitted with what he was seeking in a sub girl. Over time, as I have travelled more deeply into trust, need and submission to Local D, I think these have become more difficult for me to adhere to, but I continue to do my very best. Local D will not allow a change in the rules unless it is a considered and mutually agreed approach to the change. He is the gatekeeper to my desire in a way. He also works to protect me and my relationship with Non-Dom Hub by not being the cause of any discord between me and Non-Dom. He simply ensures adherance to the rules.

Non-Dom has become more comfortable with me seeing another man over time. The trust has grown maybe. This is one aspect I DON'T overthink. I am just grateful for his trust and his permission to continue. I think the thing that helped in the beginning was that I had assured Non-Dom that he retained the power of veto..to say Stop. I am careful too not to tell Non-Dom the detail of my relationship with Local D. That's just something a partner doesn't need to know.

My relationship with Local D is built on mutual consent and agreed terms of reference. We revisit this occassionally as we go deeper into the emotional side of D/s and make known to each other where we stand. All in all it is a very grown up approach to this thing we do together. We are not destined to be together in any other way than we are at the moment. That has always been clear in both our minds from the beginning. I think Non Dom understands this and therefore is not threatened by Local D.

photographer unknown

2 comments:

  1. You seem to be doing a good job of balancing two different parts of your life and getting your needs met in both relationships.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are indeed very lucky to have two men that understand you so well.

    Happy Valentines Day.

    ReplyDelete

little welcomes comments and values opinions in this bright shiney D/s world.
Don't be shy, drop on by... :)