A discussion over on the blogs of Elder and Melinda in an ldr with each other sparked a comment from me that was inordinately long and really needed to be a posted here. It ought to come under the heading of 'What have you learned L'.
This is a really interesting discussion and I have been to read Melinda's post and the comments. I really do understand where she is coming from. I was floored to see how much alike we are. That needing to know, needing to understand things and it not being a challenge but a way to clarify.
What I took from her standing in the corner for 10 minutes, a small example but what I have learned is to just do it..find a corner that is not cluttered and do it. Given the same situation I would have, in the past said 'Yes Sir but... the corners have furniture in them'. For me this would have come from the need in me to do EXACTLY as I had been asked /told to do. To not let him down. If I couldn't stand in a corner exactly as he had described then this would have been letting him down and caused me great distress. It would make me feel like I was lying to him (and there is my need for honesty perverted). So in this situation I would ask for clarity. Maybe not asking in the right way...maybe I would ask in a way that seemed like a challenge to his authority when in fact, I am hoping that he will just make the directive do-able.
I have learned though that he is not a mind reader and I need to be clear..and best to leave the 'but' out.
'May I ask a question Sir?'
When the affirmative comes, tell him about the furniture, and 'May I pick another corner please?'
It works for me and it is my responsibility to temper my reaction to a directive that was causing me to panic because I couldn't see myself carrying out his instruction to the detail of how I assumed he was asking. It was about my perception that a directive must be followed to the letter with no room for movement (I am an incurable rule follower). Transfer this to any situation and I can see such similarities with Melinda's situation.
Daddy has worked long and hard to drill into my brain the concept of obedience. 'Obey me' is his catch-cry. Over time I am aware that I am beginning to get it. Then in real time when I meet with Local D, this is beginning to have the affect that I just crave to obey him. I don't want choice and anything that hints at choice is unsatisfying. I do respond better to 'Obey me' or 'Do it' than to, 'Would you like to...' (which lets face it, really means 'Do it'). Its just about the use and power of language I think.
I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. That if the corner is two feet away because of furniture to either find another corner or stand as close to the corner as possible. I have learned that it's not the corner in focus, but that what he's after is for me to obey. I firmly believe he doesn't give a monkey's about the corner, and that soothes my panic that I am not doing what he asks and fulfils his need to be obeyed.Yin and Yang.