Monday, February 11, 2013

Obey me

A discussion over on  the blogs of Elder and Melinda in an ldr with each other sparked a comment from me that was inordinately long and really needed to be a posted here. It ought to come under the heading of  'What have you learned L'.

This is a really interesting discussion and I have been to read Melinda's post and the comments. I really do understand where she is coming from. I was floored to see how much alike we are. That needing to know, needing to understand things and it not being a challenge but a way to clarify.

What I took from her standing in the corner for 10 minutes, a small example but what I have learned is to just do it..find a corner that is not cluttered and do it. Given the same situation I would have, in the past said 'Yes Sir but... the corners have furniture in them'. For me this would have come from the need in me to do EXACTLY as I had been asked /told to do. To not let him down. If I couldn't stand in a corner exactly as he had described then this would have been letting him down and caused me great distress. It would make me feel like I was lying to him (and there is my need for honesty perverted). So in this situation I would ask for clarity. Maybe not asking in the right way...maybe I would ask in a way that seemed like a challenge to his authority when in fact, I am hoping that he will just make the directive do-able.

I have learned though that he is not a mind reader and I need to be clear..and best to leave the 'but' out.

'May I ask a question Sir?'

When the affirmative comes, tell him about the furniture, and 'May I pick another corner please?'

It works for me and it is my responsibility to temper my reaction to a directive that was causing me to panic because I couldn't see myself carrying out his instruction to the detail of how I assumed he was asking. It was about my perception that a directive must be followed to the letter with no room for movement (I am an incurable rule follower). Transfer this to any situation and I can see such similarities with Melinda's situation.

Daddy has worked long and hard to drill into my brain the concept of obedience. 'Obey me' is his catch-cry. Over time I am aware that I am beginning to get it. Then in real time when I meet with Local D, this is beginning to have the affect that I just crave to obey him. I don't want choice and anything that hints at choice is unsatisfying. I do respond better to 'Obey me' or 'Do it' than to, 'Would you like to...' (which lets face it, really means 'Do it'). Its just about the use and power of language I think.

I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. That if the corner is two feet away because of furniture to either find another corner or stand as close to the corner as possible. I have learned that it's not the corner in focus, but that what he's after is for me to obey. I firmly believe he doesn't give a monkey's about the corner, and that soothes my panic that I am not doing what he asks and fulfils his need to be obeyed.Yin and Yang.

photographer unknown


  1. oh little, i have not long left a comment on Elders post about this a long one and you have summed it up much better than me, im really hoping my comment i did put doesnt cause offence to either of them.

    It is difficult when you have the nature to questions and to want/need to understand but it can also be detrimental, i suppose its like you said working out when to question and when not.

    I dont think many dominants want to constantly feel their instructions are being questioned, there is a time for talking, questions and clarifications etc.

    I do think it makes a difference when it is ldr because your not completley getting used to one anothers expectations etc.

    But i do firmly believe that part of submitting is accepting that the dominant is going to just dominate the way you want him to..and that can be difficult to come to terms with.

    ok i have nattered on enough.


    1. Thanks for your comment Tori. You are probably right about ldr's but I think that any D/s relationship must have these types of challenges. I am not lucky enough to live in a D/s relationship and the D/s I experience is complicated by a cast of thousands...well it feels like thousands. It is not ideal, but it is what it is. I think many D/s experiences are like this because a lot, if not most people come late to understanding what they need. By that time the life path has been layed down and there are other factors to consider. Many of us try for the next best, ldr, extramarital etc. It is not usual, but it is what we are left to do.

      We then set about the work of navigating the pull of competing demands. Demands of family, work and Sir. Though I hate to admit it, Sir may come second when he is distant geographically, or outside of the main family unit. That is the friction for both Sir and girl. Wanting to give him everything, but unable to do so without risking the happiness of those others closest to one's heart.

      Sometimes I think the luckiest people in this messy business are firstly the ones living inside the D/s world with their partner, followed closely by those in the ldr with no other partners involved. Those people have kilometres between them but no other lives to hurt playing in their conscience.

      Submission over a distance is daunting because unless the is the freedom to spend open time in communication I have found it is difficult to know and understand the other their needs, their expectations and their desires.

  2. Feels like i have found a soul mate! =D

    " Its just about the use and power of language I think. " Spot on!

  3. I think I will have to read your blog then to top up my knowledge about melinda

    1. Welcome! I doubt that there is any more insight here than you already have. Ha!



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