The thing that has struck me most significantly in blog land have been declarations of love (if that is what this post is about). I want to say quite clearly I am not sitting in judgement of people who do declare love especially in the less traditional situations of LDR's or online only relationships..I just don't get it. I don't get how people..and I admit I have mostly seen it on submissive blogs...declare love in an LDR / online relationship. I am more than aware of the warm fuzzies..hell yeah! I have said I love you Daddy. Daddy is so LDR /online only it is MORE than likely we will never meet. But I don't understand how the intensity of the online BDSM love affair can be taken for love in the way I understand love. Maybe aside from the rationale you have touched on monkey, there is a need to feel loved, really loved, by the person we give everything to. I know there is in me. I suspect too there is also a huge gap between the adequacy of the words..like and love. 'Like' is often inadequate to express how I feel about someone in the intensity of our connection and there is nothing to fill in on the continuum between 'like' and 'love'!..and so I said on Monkeys blog post. She had so many salient points I would encourage anyone to go and have a read.
For me to be told I love you in the forum of the online world is difficult for me to grasp. I tend to skip over it. I think to myself how can that be, he doesn't know me. He doesn't actually know what a pain in the arse, whining li'l cow I am. He only gets the good bits of me. The human frailty of a nagging, needy woman, well I leave those pieces of me out. Not even Local D sees those bits! So is there an inauthentic bent to this world, the world where he doesn't see the real me. I think so. I can afford to give him only the good bits because I know that this will never be a relationship with a life lived together, in the same timezone, with shared bills and family. Even if I do whinge and whine and expose the not so tolerable bits of me. It is still not his responsibility. He listens, he is kind but he cannot 'fix' anything and it is not his responsibility to do so. He has become a friend, probably more than he will ever realise. I love him in that friendship. I don't understand how that love though can translate to commitment and love in the way that husband and wife / partners experience love. Maybe I understand that sort of love as carrying a measure of responsibility for each other that is improbable in the online only D/s world.
I should qualify, that I am talking from the viewpoint of a woman not free to love another.
Commitment with partner and family stops me from throwing everything into the mix and allowing me to embrace the romantic love that Monkey talks about. Men too have wives and commitments that would prevent that kind of love taking a hold.
In these circumstances I have often wondered if these connections made under the umbrella of D/s are just an excuse for another kind of infidelity, if indeed fidelity inside a relationship is an agreed parameter.
Whatever the argument, we are all seeking love and nurturing, and the workings of the human heart are complex and bloody messy!