Friday, January 11, 2013

deeper into D

I am trying to think of something witty and interesting to say, or maybe something sexy.

There is nothing.

I am just in a dreamy place at the moment. After not playing, after suffering under an 'adrift' feeling for a couple of months I went to Local D and spent 12 hours being punished, pushed, hurt and loved.

I laughed more than once as I confessed to him, "I like it when you hurt me, Sir."  I also cringed at the words falling out of my mouth.

"Please Sir, slap me, sting me, hurt me."

I have safe words. I have said before that I think it is my responsibility to have them and be prepared to use them. Preparedness to use safe words are the part I play in protecting him. I have used one only once, in my first session with D, in my first play time ever.  I used a 'slow down' word. I had begun to panic and I used it. He didn't slow...he stopped. I have since learned that he seems to understand me better than I do myself. I never would have thought that could happen but he has shown that time and again. He understands where I am and when I am not coping with something he is subjecting me to even before I realise it myself. It surprises me when he stops. It shocks me when he rapidly releases me from whatever bindings he has chosen. Then in the release, I realise a sense of relief that tells me that I had not been coping, that panic had begun to rise. He most decidedly does not like it when I struggle. It is not often, but it has happened.

I have never used the safe words again. I have never felt I had to use them. I have been close. I have thought about it, "Do I need to?..don't I? Bugger this is getting hard! Should I? Shouldn't I?" The internal dialogue is distracting. Local D and I continue to learn about each other. I know he hasn't pushed like he'd like to. I know he treats me like a princess. I know he is cautious with me. It is difficult to convince him to do otherwise. He needs to be assured about my capacity to endure. We do not share a life together outside this space and that is a barrier to rapid progress in a D/s dynamic such as ours. Progress must be slow and measured. I understand that. Sometimes though I am concerned that I don't give him what makes him happy. I want to give him what he needs to be happy.

After he had hurt me, slapped me, made me sting, made me sweat, denied me and allowed me, I was rewarded with massage (he gives the most stunning and sexy massages!)..more cumming, bread and cheese and wine.

Exhausted, I rested in his arms, dozing in the early evening. Then it was time to return to my life.

unknown photographer: sourced from the internet


  1. I do love that dreamy state can have me buzzing for days and then sometimes there is this drop...and i get tearful and i cant quite put my finger on why....i imagine its similar to a come-down from a drug high.


    1. So far so drop yet. I had it the very first time an i hated every second of it. It was mixed up with (unfoundered) feelings of rejection...arrrgh...never want to go back there.
      Now I feel completely accepted and sure of where I stand...I haven't experienced it after our most recent encounters.


  2. Sounds like you had a great 12 hours! You are right about the safe word it's for both of your safety. Local D is a proper man all women should be treated like prinsess. The images you use are so good. Have a good weekend.

    Ashly xx

    1. Thank you Ashly, opinions re safe words are as mixed as the many shades of D/s. I love the pictures best. I am a visual girl and images are the way I best express myself.


  3. A sensual pet you seem.A sweet whore,ripe with wonder and anticipation.One willing to surrender,one who knows she must obey,it is her birthright,just needing a final grooming..Good girl :)

  4. Glad you have found your way back with your D! Xx


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