Monday, November 19, 2012

failed submissive girl (again)

Writing to Daddy, I reflected that secrets are the ultimate submission. The revealing of secrets that is.

I have many secrets, we all do I would argue. In submission the holding of secrets is a theme that doesn't seem easily tolerated. I keep many secrets from Local D. I have fewer secrets from Daddy.  I can honestly say I don't think I hold any secrets from Daddy. Would I give him the passwords to bank accounts?  No, so there are some secrets there but the secrets related just to me, about me, I tell him. Daddy has been patient, gaining my trust over time.

Local D? Secrets upon secrets. Nothing that threatens his well-being or safety, but secrets about me. Revealing everything causes me real and fundemental anxiety. I'm partnered to another and Local D, so called because he lives nearby, has the power to bring down the house of cards; family, career, life, should things go horribly wrong between us and he chose to exercise that power. That fear is at the heart of my secrets.

Until I am able to reveal everything to him in trust without fear or question, I am never going to be able to let go and truly submit to him. Until that moment, it is all only play, inauthentic, fun, genuine for what it is, but inauthentic.



Source Intranet: photographer unknown

4 comments:

  1. You are quite right lilOne ... but, of course, the relationship is a journey, isn't it? And do any of us really, ever arrive? Somehow I doubt it. And that is why we continue to be totally absorbed and focused ... because we can never truly arrive, and no, we don't want to lose our way while we journey.

    Bruce

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  2. I think witholding secrets is fine...you're right to protect all that is dear to you. The question is, do you trust him? I do not believe you have to bare the details of your life to display your submission... more valuable is shedding any armor that protects your vulnerability... only then can he see you, whether he knows what you do for a living, or not.

    xo,
    SC

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  3. I am not sure that withholding secrets, which are in place to help protect you, necessarily make you any less submissive towards him. Only you can know if and when you can trust him with that part of you, but you can still submit in other ways

    J xx

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  4. Bruce , SC and Joolz..thank you. Your points of view give me a bit more to think about and have calmed some of the anxiety in me aound this issue. I Admit I am anxious about withholding things from Him when we are in other ways engaging on such an intimate level. Its a balancing act, its a journey and it is a game of trust building.

    L x

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