Sunday, September 23, 2012


 I was very excited to get an email  from within blog land in which my correspondent described how they admired that I found a solution; a way for Non-Dom to accept the presence of a Dom in my life. I do agree, I have been fortunate.  I would be unable to do this in secrecy. The guilt would sap all enjoyment for me. I have never 'cheated' on Non-Dom though seriously at times I could not have been blamed for doing so!

Life is complicated isn't it? We all have needs and desires and it's how we acknowledge them and have them sated that is the real dilemma.

Much of my social world requires that monogamy be held up as a basic pillar. This often doesn't fit well with the desires ordinary people find inside themselves. The trick is to answer them without hurting anyone else.

I have limits determined by my Non-Dom hub. I am not allowed to engage in certain activities with my Dom which makes it hard sometimes. Local D and I met at a time when he had another girl. He was seeking someone to supplement his experience with her as she was away for extended periods of time. So really I was only ever meant to be a stand-in. A body to replace hers when she was unavailable. This suited me. I didn't want any emotional entanglements, and I didn't want to be relied on to be His sub in case it interfered with my relationship with Non-Dom, which is a delicate balance at the best of times.

The limits placed upon me by Non-Dom were agreeable to local D as he had no need for the things that I was asked not to do. Further Non-Dom has always had the right of veto. If he turned around tomorrow and said, "Stop seeing him", I would be bound to stop. In this way Local D and I play together but the level of commitment to each other that I see in other relationships here in blog land is somewhat muted (I think). He views me as his girl outside the room and inside it. The practicalities however of our separate lives and my relationship with Non-Dom mean that sense of belonging is less than it would be if I were able to commit to him completely. I am aware that this would not be for everyone in the all or nothing world view of D/s, but that's where a girl has to take what she can get and what she gets is actually more than she ever dreamed possible.

I see this as a progressive and developing relationship though and as with all boundaries and limitations, I think they will expand and wear down in the fullness of time. I am nothing if not a patient girl.

via, photographer pictured ;)


  1. My wish is that your loyalty to non Dom and your patience and self discipline be rewarded a thousand times over.

  2. I hope it all works out. Good luck.


  3. Our kind of relationships seem to require a lot of patience. Great post L, i know you are up to the task! xx

  4. There seems to be a whole kaleidoscope of D/s relationship solutions out there. I love your third paragraph it hits the nail on the head so perfectly. Your recognition of those fundamentals, and your obvious sense and patience, are bound to win out. Good on you, Littleone :)

  5. I hope it works out for you.. I can relate to your situation in a way.

  6. I very much understand that fine balance but will continue to try to walk that line, as you do. I want as much of what I want as I can have. Trying to go without is not the answer, tho if absolutely necessary, as you say, that would have to do. We don't have to give up yet :)

  7. Congratulations to you for having the courage to even open the subject with non-Dom. And congratulations to him for accepting this part of you. Both you and he deserve accolades. So very few can claim such courage.

  8. hi all and many thanks..I have only just this morning read all the kafuffle over on sin's Blog..I wonder what anon and their supporters would make of my situation. Clearly no shades of grey in Anonymous' world, 50 or otherwise.

    cheers all xxx

  9. I really enjoyed this post. I'm currently in a monogamous vanilla relationship trying to get a conversation going between us about me seeking kink on the outside of the relationship. It's like running into a brick wall over and over again, but I hold out on hope, just waiting for the day when something will happen, something will change. Very inspirational, thank you!

    1. Welcome Valerie and good luck with your journey. I must say though, my circumstance did not come easily. It was through a series of events, big life changing events that my partner and I have come to this space. It has been an evolution over time and a drip drip approach to everything. We came from a position of trust which was shattered and needed to be rebuilt before we could even go anywhere near what we have now. We are not a 'free and easy' is difficult for us to reconcile what we have now and that, I guess, is why we have imposed limits on the character of anything outside our relationship.

      take care


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