Thursday, August 9, 2012

love submission love

There are so many thoughts speeding through my head.
Yes yes Daddy I think too much...slap!

I have been reading blogs with some very insightful posts. As I search for my submission I feel there is something missing. I read other women's thoughts, other men's thoughts and I wonder if what is missing is love.

I am immersed in play. I love to play but there is no love. I am not free to love. I read blogs that not only border but fall into deep descriptive submissions of hearts and flowers. Submissive women who are free and some not so free, to love. I am not criticising this in any way. In fact I wonder if this is what I really need, not just the freedom to submit but also the freedom to love.

I am lead to ponder the question is true submission grounded in love? Or maybe, like the old chicken and the egg question, is love born of submission? Arrrrrgh! Who knows? I just know that I don't love, I can't love and possibly won't ever be free to love. I have not chosen for love..perhaps then I have chosen for the wrong reason. I am put in mind of one of my favourite characters in one of my favourite books, Gatsby's Daisy made a mockery of his life's work to win her away from her athletic husband when she admitted 'I loved you both.' I would like to be able to love both and though I care..deeply and affectionately, given the choice I would choose the man I love over the man who loves me in the a way I need, with strength and control and the expression of whips, pulleys and bruised skin.

photographer unknown, source : Interweb

20 comments:

  1. Interesting question you pose. Though Daisy was happy in her "both" choice, Gatsby and Buchanan were miserable. That being said, I am of the Daisy persuasion. Work at both, and maybe love will develop deeper in both. No one can convince me that love must be restricted to a single individual.

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    1. 'No one can convince me that love must be restricted to a
      single individual'.

      I like this, but will Love change or deepen the submission I am capable of?

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    2. I like to think of D/s love as occupying that grey area between spousal love, and parent-child love. And it is on a sliding scale in that grey zone. I believe as the trust and submission grow, so too will the scale move. And just as the scale moves, so too can the submission deepen.

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  2. Very thoughtful post.I almost sent you a message on this topic yesterday when you commented on my post.I understand the dynamic you have with your Dom not being your significant other because thats what my relationship with my Dom is as well.I dont have all the answers & never will,but I'll share my thoughts & Im here if you want to ask questions.I have experienced *both* sides of the fence in this...during my marriage,my husband & I practiced DD.After losing my husband,it took me more than a year & a half to even consider finding a partner in the kink.I knew I wanted & *needed* this in my life but I also knew that I was emotionally unavailable for romance...I worried I wouldn't find a playmate that understood & respected that.When I found Professor,I was pleased as our wants & needs seemed compatible.So entering into the relationship with that mutual understanding & compatibility made things much easier for me.However...here is where it starts to cause issues with some that find their D/s partner in a person aside from their spouse...Dominance & submission are *extremely* emotionally charged feelings.The relationship itself is built upon a deep trust.You're sharing something very intimate with one another,physically & emotionally...something you may not be able to even discuss with your spouse & closest friends.It is a need you have & a passion that your partner & you share.Professor earned my submission & it is a gift I willingly choose to give to him every day.In turn,his dominance & control is his gift to me & one I cherish.I have a need inside of me to offer my submission to a strong,dominant man & when I have that,Im much happier.In most relationships in our lives with family,friends,colleagues, etc you only project a portion of the *real* you...we all selectively edit what information we offer about ourselves...there are very few people in your life who will know the *real* you.In a D/s relationship,you don't need the edited version,your partner truly understands & cares for you...the *real* you.I feel that my Dom knows me...the real me.He takes care of me & helps me every day...there is no way I could even pretend that there isn't an emotional connection.I believe there are different levels of love.You love your mother but not in the context that you love your spouse.You love a best friend but not in the context that you love your child.I know many women I talk to who have similar relationships to mine(& yours)having found their D/s partner in a man with whom they are not romantically involved...many of them worry that if they admit they feel an emotional connection to their Dom,then they are somehow crossing a line because their agreement dictates that the relationship not be romantic.I feel very differently.I trust Professor & truly admire & respect him as not only my Dom but as a man,a father,a friend.I have been allowed the privilege to observe him in his real life...both professionally & personally....he is an amazing man & I value the relationship I have with him.He meets my needs.I aim to do the same for him.With all that we have shared,it would be impossible to not feel an emotional bond.As I said earlier,I believe there are different types of love just as there are different types of relationships.With everything he has helped me with in my real life & the longer I have had Professor as my Dom...I can honestly say that I do love him.It isn't a romantically inspired love;as I said earlier,we were both seeking a D/s relationship without the romance.But I have become attached to him emotionally.I would seriously hurt anyone I perceived as a threat to him.I realize that every couple with this dynamic is different,but please don't let other peoples preconceived notions of what is or isn't 'appropriate' dictate how you allow yourself to feel.You don't have to be married to your Dom to have the right to acknowledge your emotions & love the man.

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    1. Thank you so much for this. There is so much here and i have already read it a couple of times. I don;t feel i can do your thoughts justice here..but i will add them to my bank of thoughts to ponder

      I appreciate your kindness in sharing.

      xx L

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  3. I agree with Irish Imp.

    Essentially i think i am learning to love in the moment. I am not in love with my Sir (we have had 'that; conversation) but when he has me tied up, when he has me humiliated, clamped, when i am cumming for Him, I love him for that moment (or however it is).

    Coming to terms with emotions is much harder i think that doing any of this D/s, BDSM stuff (imho).

    Might have to post on this myself!

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    1. Thanks Joolz, I think i am not asking is it right or wrong to love and at which point? Rather, in searching for a more perfect submission..in searching for my submission, will it only deepen or carry authenticity if I love? Does Love bring the strength to submit? If I never love, never give into feelings of love (which I don't have but in the moments you described where I want to wrap myself around him in love, like a koala in a high waving eucalypt, face buried in the trunk eyes closed away from the sun), if I never give myself completely in Love, can I ever deliver an authentic overwhelming submission to him? Or do I really care if I have anothers love? Sometimes I feel very mercinary in all this and most decidedly unsubmissive!

      L xx

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  4. that should read I love him in the moment or *however long the 'moment' lasts.

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  5. I think Im going to blog on this topic at length and in detail....I have sooo many thoughts on the subject, way too many for comments space...lol. I think Joolz brings up another great point....there is a HUGE difference between 'loving a man' and 'being IN love with a man'.....two *very* different things. Emotions are hard but necessary and I think it gets easier if you embrace and accept what you feel rather than trying to avoid, deny or change it sweetheart. My Dom is married...happily married...but in this section of his life, D/s, I am his partner...and he has had others before me that he partnered with...but that doesn't mean he loves his wife any less or is suddenly in love with his submissive(s). I honestly think that you can be in love with & happily married to your spouse....but recognize that your spouse can not meet your needs in this aspect of your life so through honest communication you relay that and find a D/s partner to fulfill those needs. Ignore stereotypes and the negative commentary of other people....dont let that force you to deny or suppress your emotions. Love is a beautiful thing and has many different levels and meanings.

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  6. Have you discussed these thougts and emotions with your partner? Do you think he would want you to stop?

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    1. jfv..the simple answer is no, I haven't discussed this with non-Dom. and Yes he may want me to stop if he considers loving another may be a risk in my behaviour.

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  7. I was asking because I'm in a similiar situation with my wife. I'm in the same boat as your 'Non-Dom'. There is no third party yet but we've been discussing it. I think I know what my answer is going to be now. Hopefully it won't be the end of us but if it is so be it. Anyway I'm really rooting for things to work out for you. Good luck and Thank you for your openness.

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    1. I have an email if you would like to talk further. You are welcome to use it.

      L

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  8. Depending on how our conversation goes this weekend I just might. I've let her know that I've made a decision, and she seems nervous now. Anyway, thank you so much for your very generous offer. Take care.

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    1. I'm not usually one to have public converstaions..lol however..all the best, it is a tricky and delicate road at the point you are talking about entering. I wish you and your partner the best of all possible outcomes for both of you.
      L xx

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  9. What a great post. I've been talking about this with other people as well :)

    I love my RL Domme and my online Dom. I don't know if it's possible not to, in a successful relationship of such intimacy and trust. As said above, I love the place they take me to but the more I get to know them the more I love them for who they are. That's what makes it successful. That's what makes the match.

    But I can't be in love with them in the way we think of it. I can't have them. They're not going to leave their spouses and I'm not going to leave mine. Or ever tell him about it. That's not possible for any of us. As a responsible adult I have to deal with that.

    But I love them. Deeply, hugely, truly and as confusing as it can be at times, I don't regret that.

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    1. Emen Thank you. I am beginning to understand this view. Like you I live with some secrets fro non-Dom. I suspect too that I am denying some of the emotional side of this experience for reasons I probably won't say here.

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  10. There are so many shades of love in this world, and life is too short to deny yourself any of them. Feel at your heart's will. Denying yourself those feelings will result in a less honest experience, and in which case, why bother?

    xo,
    SC

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    1. SC, thank you..I am beginning to see this..and it is that honesty and authenticity of experience that i wonder if i am missing.

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  11. This post had me thinking all day today littleone. Your writing is beautiful but this post provoked deep thought. I just blogged about it myself in my latest post. I mentioned your blog in my post and quoted you a few times....I hope you dont mind. Thanks again for such an insightful post.

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