I know! A basic pillar to a girl who identifies as submissive. In actual fact I have never been convinced that I am 'submissive' or at least very good at being submissive if indeed I am.
It has become apparent that the two men central to these themes are both convinced I need some work on control...giving it up!
There is so much in these sentences. Feminism might be taking it's last gasp as it slips through my fingers. Maybe not though. I go back to choice..I choose to submit (albeit not very well), fully consistent with feminism and women's 'equal' rights. Neither of these men seek to change my basic human rights through this control. Neither of them seek to change my intellect, my life outside of this sphere that would in any way disadvantage me or my family. To give up control, hand it over, MM explains that I need to simply follow and obey...sigh.
Local D says I over think things. This is not a new concept to me. I have been told this before. I over think things, I fret. I analyse everything from a multifaceted view. The answer I am told is to simply follow. The answer is to simply obey.
Local D asked me to pass a message to the distant MM. In truth this excites me, the pair of them deciding what needs to be done with the kinky lil bitch. I needed to ask MM if he would consent to this (my decision to ask him, a respect I thought for his privacy, respect I thought for his realm of control) and when he said yes I passed him the email. I wasn't clear whether I was supposed to pass email addresses. I am so terribly protective of privacy, theirs as well as mine. So without clear instruction I passed the messages not the email addresses. As I did this I realised that my bid to protect these men and their privacy was an exercise in control. My control.
I have been in control all my life, I am asked now to relinquish control and trust that all will be well, that there will be no harm done. I am having a difficult time with this. I am having difficulty with understanding the way to relinquish my control, not with the desire or need to do it.
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