Sunday, July 8, 2012

relinquishing control

I'm learning about control...giving it up.

I know! A basic pillar to a girl who identifies as submissive. In actual fact I have never been convinced that I am 'submissive' or at least very good at being submissive if indeed I am.

It has become apparent that the two men central to these themes are both convinced I need some work on control...giving it up!

There is so much in these sentences. Feminism might be taking it's last gasp as it slips through my fingers. Maybe not though. I go back to choice..I choose to submit (albeit not very well), fully consistent with feminism and women's 'equal' rights. Neither of these men seek to change my basic human rights through this control. Neither of them seek to change my intellect, my life outside of this sphere that would in any way disadvantage me or my family. To give up control, hand it over, MM explains that I need to simply follow and obey...sigh.

Local D says I over think things. This is not a new concept to me. I have been told this before. I over think things, I fret. I analyse everything from a multifaceted view. The answer I am told is to simply follow. The answer is to simply obey.

Local D asked me to pass a message to the distant MM. In truth this excites me, the pair of them deciding what needs to be done with the kinky lil bitch. I needed to ask MM if he would consent to this (my decision to ask him, a respect I thought for his privacy, respect I thought for his realm of control) and when he said yes I passed him the email. I wasn't clear whether I was supposed to pass email addresses. I am so terribly protective of privacy, theirs as well as mine. So without clear instruction I passed the messages not the email addresses. As I did this I realised that my bid to protect these men and their privacy was an exercise in control. My control.

I have been in control all my life, I am asked now to relinquish control and trust that all will be well, that there will be no harm done. I am having a difficult time with this. I am having difficulty with understanding the way to relinquish my control, not with the desire or need to do it.


property of photographer (unknown)

11 comments:

  1. a hard thing to do lilone but when you have met the right person you will find it easy enough believe me, it will be a natural progression, not all at once, take your time and let the control go a little bit at a time...smiles.

    blossom x

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    1. as always Blossom, kind and wise. thank you.

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  2. Lilone: Blossom gave you give advice. Let the control go a little bit at a time. Remember you know you want this lifestyle and you know you want to be controlled. Relaxed and follow your Dom's lead. Good luck.

    FD

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    1. I do try FD, though I think not fast enough..or with hiccoughs that are both painful and damaging to the journey...look at me getting serious!

      xx

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  3. gosh its difficult to surrender control completely, the more control he exerts the more i seem to want to hold onto parts because to be completelty honest i find it scary...im scared of being so vunerable, of being so completely exposed to another..but yet at the same time its exciting.

    Hope you find the right balance for you.

    tori

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    1. Maybe we will find that balance..the scales though are surely weighted away from us if we are to do it 'right'?

      L x

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    2. lol that depends on what 'right' is, i dont think there is a right or wrong way just the way that works for the individual couples....ok im rambling need more coffee.

      tori

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  4. I can only speak from my own experience...but it really is a matter of the right match between two people. I dabbled in this years ago with the wrong person and they turned it on me in a way that was....not going to work. I now (three years in) have the right partner and the right relationship to support a D/s relationship...it works for us. As we get deeper into it with each other, it gets better and better. We just take it one step at a time.

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    1. You are absolutely right USM. It does take the right person, the right dynamic. The Dom man I am exploring with at the moment is not my primary relationship (SO) putting another spin on giving up control.

      L x

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  5. O God I'm so glad I found you again. My phone died and was replaced but blew all the bookmarks. I knew I knew the name of your blog but it did take me
    awhile. I have to confess I rely on the bookmarks and jump right to the juice.

    I love this post in so many ways. I have to be a very strong person in my life. And I am. But I completely believe that finding my way to my submission and being lucky enough to find situations where I can give up control has made me stronger because it has made me more me.

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    1. LOL..i'm glad you found me too! Why don't you make your own blogger page, make it private if you dont want to write, but use it to log all the blogs you don't want to lose..it might help when that pesky phone collapses again!

      This control issue (giving it up) is something I am working very hard to understand and deal with...this week I appear to be winning!;)

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