Its takes some days, but in those days following time spent with Local D there is something inside me that changes. It is never immediate, never in an instant. Like all good things it grows and then overtakes me.
It was difficult to pinpoint at first, but now I recognise it as the calm. I am settling. The fear is falling away and after just a few meetings I can say I am not afraid of wanting what I want. I don't have to be careful with what I wish for anymore. I can kneel and give him what he needs from me. I can give to him without fear (and I have had a lot of fear and anxiety about the unknown). I am beginning to give away fretting, swapping it for following as a wise man once said I must. I am not giving it away consciously, it is just falling away. It is subsiding, leaving the shore like an ocean tide retreating in the moons pull.
I am craving his grip more and more. I ache to be on my knees at his feet. Being who I am. Being who I need to be. My breasts, my body, my cunt, my face, my mouth, my eyes, my tongue presented for him. The calm in this place stays with me outside the room. Finally finding me. Finally finding my place. I am happiest on my knees, my wrists tied, my ankles restrained. Unmoving, waiting for his bidding.