Monday, June 11, 2012


A contraversial view and one that is not fully formed inside my mind, nothing is fully formed. I am an evolutionary process, a project, no timeframes,focus groups formed, some evaluation tools employed and the project continues:

Ruin is a gift
Ruin is the road to transformation
-eat pray love

In the context of D/s..of TTWD, I want to feel ruin.

I want to be ripped down,muscle fibre by fibre, corpuscle by corpuscle, bit by bit, brick by brick. Torn down. I want him, no, NEED him to rip every last shred of the outside me away.

I need Him to find that inner core that has no more protection. That space inside me that is vulnerable and bare. The point where I can let go of the fears, protections and barriers.


To be my own pheonix.

My belief is that moment will never come. It never can, not in my circumstance, but the dream is always there. The possibility that one day it may be ok to let go, to bend in every way to Him.

This is the fantasy.

The reality? I am not mine to give, neither am I owned.

Photograph remains the property of its owner


  1. And you wait, are awaiting the one thing
    that will infinitely enhance your life:
    the powerful, the uncommon,
    the awakening of stones,
    depths turning towards you.

    Rainer Maria Rilke


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