Wednesday, June 20, 2012

day nine - submission nine - rules

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

I have had few explicit rules or structure as part of my play with a Dom. A challenge that stands out in my mind was an exercise with an online Dom. He chose my panties and bra (or not) for a long few months. It was a challenge for me to make sure I gave him a list of  all panties and bra  which were not to be added to or thrown out without express permission and boy did I struggle with that! I think it might have been easier if we didn't live in different states, if it was an LDR even. It was heading that way but unfortunately never quite got there. I was required to furnish him a list of all the weeks activities so that He could assure Himself that he controlled what I was wearing at all times. It was clear that He controlled all things frilly and lacy. I was punished for buying a pair of panties without permission even though my reasons for doing so were honourably "Daddy will like these, I will get these for Daddy". The rules were clear however and I was punished severely (I thought) and I never did it again (so affected by the disappointment I had caused Daddy, I shoved the offending panties at the back of my drawer and I don't think I ever wore them again).

What I found interesting was over time my taste in pretty little things changed as a direct result of His expressed preferences. I wore a lot of thongs at the time I connected with Him. I wore a lot of black, not exclusively, but a fair amount. His preference was to steer away from black and He required me to wear less strong colours and briefs. To this day, well over a year since we went our separate ways, those rules still resound. When I buy knickers I go for the softer colours and I rarely wear a thong anymore. I find that I ALWAYS think of Him when I buy panties..Would Daddy like these? I often find myself thinking.

His rules around panties selection made me feel secure. I knew where I stood. The daily emails containing the days selection connected me to Him. The panties and bra I wore connected me to Him. He never forgot. He planned ahead if he was going to be away and He sent instruction for the time He would be away or out of contact. He was consistent. This consistency and commitment he displayed to His rules eventually settled in me. I had struggled at first. This was one of my very first encounters with a Dom man on a daily basis. After the struggle of handing over control of my frilly lacy things, a collection I loved and have viewed as no one's but mine to control, I settled into His control with some ease. I missed His control over my underthings when we said goodbye, in fact truth be, I still do.

Local Dom and I are starting to get to know one another and I hear him moving towards something that might be taken for rules, structured tasks that have been alluded to though nothing specific right now. I am looking forward to it. It's a way that I can feel His presence and I hope he will control things in my day. It's a dance that is slow to come as He gauges my life as wife, mother and colleague.

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