We have plans to meet, to play. It will be my first experience with a Dominant man in the flesh.
I feel lots of things. Excited, relieved - it's been such a long journey and this feels like a culmination of that journey.
I am nervous and a little scared though not too much. I feel the trepidation of a school girl. I remember all those butterflies when I was young. I am counting sleeps (when I remember). A girl in a candy shop.
I ask myself, will it be grand? will it be fun? will it lift me? or will it bring me down?
He will be a Dominant play partner, a teacher, an instructor. He is no great love, I am not in-love nor is he. There is no illicit affair. Non-Dom knows and has approved which means there is no guilt for me (yay!). I have been wracked with guilt in the past as I explored this alone and in the dark. Non Dom suspecting but not knowing.
Bad news today though. Local D is unwell and so our play may never eventuate. * She buries her sweet virginal head in her pure creamy hand. Sigh. Ever the glass half full kind of girl she, like Scarlett her silver screen heroine, will think about this tomorrow.