Thursday, May 31, 2012

virgin play

He is well!
Tomorrow is the day
I am very excited
I am a little anxious
I am cleanly shaved as instructed.
I have the skirt, picked out the top, suitably shorter and tight, a little slutty.
So much discussion went into the dress...I have a great dress but without a zip up the essential part of tomorrow, He wants a zip.
I am beginning to think tomorrow will be choreographed...
It must be a skirt then.
He has decided on my red bra..the one he saw when he pinched my nipple.
No panties (as usual). He said I could decide, to wear panties or not. I didn't want to make the decision. So He did...No panties.
Heels. Black, patent, peep toe, come fuck me heels.
My make up, He wants it how He has already seen it...less is more he says.

At 11,
Walk up the drive.
Knock on the door, I will be there.

2 sleeps and then it was one

and so painfully needy!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

waiting..3 sleeps

It's 1130 pm and non-Dom is in bed. I can't sleep. So many things are playing on my mind.

We have plans to meet, to play. It will be my first experience with a Dominant man in the flesh.

I feel lots of things. Excited, relieved - it's been such a long journey and this feels like a culmination of that journey.

I am nervous and a little scared though not too much. I feel the trepidation of a school girl. I remember all those butterflies when I was young. I am counting sleeps (when I remember). A girl in a candy shop.

I ask myself, will it be grand? will it be fun? will it lift me? or will it bring me down?

He will be a Dominant play partner, a teacher, an instructor. He is no great love, I am not in-love nor is he. There is no illicit affair. Non-Dom knows and has approved which means there is no guilt for me (yay!). I have been wracked with guilt in the past as I explored this alone and in the dark. Non Dom suspecting but not knowing.

Bad news today though. Local D is unwell and so our play may never eventuate. * She buries her sweet virginal head in her pure creamy hand. Sigh. Ever the glass half full kind of girl she, like Scarlett her silver screen heroine, will think about this tomorrow.

Julia Bedenko

Saturday, May 26, 2012

when coffee isn't just coffee

Well things are moving along. I met with local D again, just for coffee..but when is coffee just coffee? I am beginning to be made aware. The further I go the more naive I am reminded I am though this doesn't actually bother me. I am a pretty 'take it at face value' kind of girl. This makes for an enjoyable journey. No hidden agendas are suspected or indeed exist (on my part at least). My naivety makes for delicious surprises at every turn. Take a morning coffee for example. I had dressed for morning coffee when the *ping heralded a message.

No panties as usual (usual! what's usual we have met only once before, once does not a usual make.)...and today I want to see more of you, more cleavage thank you, if that means no bra then so be it. Show me the slut you are.

I became very nervous all of a sudden. What on earth was I going to do in temperatures approaching winter in order to expose those parts of myself  'usually' (in the true sense of the word) reserved for summer frocks.

One dress after another came out of the wardrobe, until I found just the right one. Cleavage...tick (with bra). Daytime...tick. High heeled boots and fish nets....tick. Slut...not so much, but it would have to do. I opted not to don the red red knock 'em dead lips and darkly painted eyes..clearly I have a long way to go in tapping into my slut when instructed to do so. All this for morning coffee!

Our meeting was fabulous. I arrived at exactly the time I was told to arrive (such an obedient lilone). He was already sitting with coffee which had been half drunk. He must have arrived sometime ago. He rose to kiss my cheek as I walked to the table, whispering in my ear 'that is beautiful', his eyes falling to my exposed breasts. I felt the flush in my cheek already and the flush between my thighs wasn't far behind.

He ordered coffee for me and we talked for what seemed like forever. A date was set for the main event. A meeting for 'play'.

Nearing the end of our meeting the breathless and very hot girl was sent to the bathroom with instructions to make herself the slut she wants to be.

My head was mushy and I was having trouble navigating the journey through the room on my return from the bathroom. A group of four men had gathered at a table between where I had to be and where I was.  Sizing up the spaces between them and the wall I picked my best root so as not to accidentally fall into them in my unsteady state. My exposure did not go unnoticed and I swear they knew what a slut I had just become. Glancing over to local D, the glint in his eye told me he was enjoying my dilemma and the acute sense of embarrassment I had begun to feel.

We walked to the car park, the moisture between my legs reminding me of the slut I was becoming.

As we stood in the car park to say goodbye he kissed my cheek. Pulling back he said 'I am going to do something'. I looked up at him my naivety kicking in in spades. I gasped and whimpered as his hand reached out and found its mark. He was inside my bra, broad daylight, public car park rolling my nipple between his fingers tips, pinching, pulling, hurting just a little. I held my ground. No protest, no pulling away. I caught myself thinking...OMG this is hot! Such a simple act. My dripping cunt responded with my nipple. I closed my eyes, held my breath and like Alice, I jumped feet first into the rabbit hole.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

the wand two

She had begged him, even though he had said it wasn't to be used until they met next.

Her begging must have been just right because he said "you may use it" she dove towards the bedside cupboard, "...but..." her gasp was so surprising and audible when she heard the word through the phone that he chuckled a little. He liked the little things he was finding out about her in the newness of This Thing They Did.

"You may only use it alone. "

Hmmm she thought for only a second before she readily agreed.  She was desperate to try her new toy and besides she new He wanted to be the first to use it on her, to give her that gift, control in His hand. She got that and she was happy to give that to Him.

Grabbing the box her eager hand ripped open the packaging like it was tissue paper. This new instrument of pleasure lay in her hand. Two speeds, a long white handle with a great big bulbous end. She plugged the cord in and fumbled with placing the condom over the end, keeping it clean and bright, this thing was going to have to go the distance, she would not have it old and gungy before it needed to be.  She was at this point in fits of laughter as he instructed her about how she was to use it. She laughed not due to the instructions but rather due to her rustiness with condom application. A partnered woman she had had no use for condoms for a very long time and the little slippery slicker was not doing as it ought. Finally she conquered the thin sheath and she was ready!

She flicked it on and the buzz in her hand almost made her come without any need for further action.

"WAIT!" barked an order through the phone.

she stopped...

"Turn it off."

She complied, she always did, she didn't have to like it though and she knew she was pouting, as did He.

"Get a chair, sit on the very edge, open you legs wide...wider."

She found just the right chair, it was low and had no arms with muted yellow velvet cushioning. She had covered it when she was a young girl. She had nearly put the chair out for rubbish more than once. The chair was not rubbish but rather it didn't suit the current decor. Now she was pleased she didn't toss it away, this misfit of a chair, how appropriate that it be used as a tool for her own desires and cravings somewhat misfitting in this vanilla world that she found herself rejecting.

"Are you sitting?" she nodded her compliance and followed it up with "Yes" when she realised he could not see her.

She really needed to concentrate more!


"Yes Sir."

"That's better. Now turn it on the low setting."

She did as instructed.

"Put it on your clit."

All at once the world went wild...


I am aware that the anticipation in me is acute.

The time draws near. He will let me know..the time, the date.

Limits are set (in the first instance). Safewords, damn I can't even remember those!

I am at the point of nervousness where I could scream.

The need for the reality to match the dream, the anticipation, the hunger. I am nearing an edge that makes me want to cry.

I feel small,



a little adrift and lest I say out of control.

Already vulnerable, like noone can stop it.

and just a bit scared.

artist unknown

Saturday, May 19, 2012


I almost put the brakes on yesterday with local-Dom. He upset me a little, over nothing significant... but this blasted IM! One can't hear inflections in the voice and he showed me we were not meeting in the mind...but then other times....

Anyway I logged off and thought about things over night and in the morning I was willing to give it away. I could feel the frustration and panic growing in me and I was making up stories in my head. I had earlier sent him a message to say I was no longer going to push or drive this in any way. It was all up to him and that I had given him an indication that I wanted to move forward with him a while back, but now I was handing it over to him. "My gift to you," I said. You can tell I was still a bit miffed (irritated).

I need someone to take things away from me...I don't want to be a decision maker anymore, other than to decide to follow, to bend..a little scary but I think I have reached that point with local-Dom.

I keep wondering why I am concerned that we are not completely compatible. He would not be anyone but a passing acquaintance to me in vanilla street. He wouldn't be a best friend. Just a nice enough bloke that you might see at a BBQ occasionally. So I say to myself, "what am I concerned about, I don't want a relationship with this man, I don't want to talk about world politics and philosophy with him (though that level of meeting of the minds does get my blood boiling). I just want this man to control me...hit me, beat me, whip me!" (sick puppy).

I asked to phone him. We talked, it was better and after a long conversation we agreed that we needed to move forward. So I will move forward with him. I believe he will look after me, he is sensitive to the fact that this is my first experience, he says all the right things and one can only trust that when entering into a new world.

I spoke also to non-Dom today, honouring our agreement to keep him informed and in the loop. I said I had been talking to local-Dom and we were trying to find a suitable date to 'meet'. He looked at me and said "I thought 'we' were thinking of such and such a date."  I almost fell over!!! He said it with pure acceptance. I felt I finally had the absolute, no reservations permission I had been seeking. All these years together and I felt like I had finally worked him out! I finally realised that pushing him for answers, acceptance, permission is not the way. Planting small seeds and letting them grow, nurturing them, letting things percolate is the way that he feels less threatened and the way he is able to accept, but oh my is that a challenge to my sense of patience (or impatience more accurately).

Anyway that's it! The stage is set and I am beginning to feel very excited, nervous and ...loved. ha!? How is that possible?  I had earlier said to non-Dom, 'Thank you, for allowing this, I know how hard it is and thank you." Non-Dom replied, "This doesn't mean I don't love you." (I never doubted that).. and I said "..and this doesn't mean I don't love you".

(music up...the theme from Gone With The Wind plays...and the hapless lovers embrace as the screen shows Intermission in big bold letters).

Time for ice-cream and popcorn.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

the wand

Sir, I have begun to think about the wand.
It is in my bedside cupboard.

Unused since the day it arrived in the post.

True to my word, obedient to Your instruction, "don't use it," you said.

But I want it, Sir.

I have been thinking to ask you...can I use it?

I want to show you..and me, prove I can be strong, brave.

In weaker moments I think, what the hell..he is not my Sir yet. He has not touched me.

What can He do?


Sir Please, please can I put it to my pussy, touch my clit, that sensitive purring


Sir Pleeeeasssse!

Please Sir, I need it...I can't wait any longer..Please... Sir.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

the olives slid down her gullet

The Olives no sooner slid down her gullet than he said

"Do you know what you are going to do now?"

She looked at him. She was nervous but she she felt her eyes twinkle with anticipation.

"Do you?"

"No," she stammered "but I suspect you are going to tell me."

The corners of his mouth turned up. He had warned her that he never forgot anything and this time her smart mouth was going to be her downfall. He liked it when she risked her well being with her smart arsed comments. He was going to enjoy very much adjusting her attitude in that area, not too much, not to damage her spirit, just enough to help her think twice about the consequences which may ensue.

"Yes I am."

He rose the icy drink to his lips and took a deep, long and slow swallow. Placing the glass in front of her he leaned forward, his lips to within millmeters of her ear.

"I want you to go to the bathroom. You will cum. Twice. Taste yourself."

She gasped and pulled back from his hot breath curling around her ear. She met his gaze. At once excited and shocked. This was their first meeting. On top of that he was her first real experience with a Dom man. She had expected to have a drink and talk. She expected that mutual decisions would be made about whether or not they continued. She had followed instructions and not worn panties. She had not expected to have to undertake futher instruction to cum, in public. She felt acutely her naivety. She knew at once she would comply. She was the most excited she had been in a long time. She felt the gush between her thighs. As she rose he said, "...and I will smell you when you return. Go quickly now."

Monday, May 14, 2012

Sir is not Master

Michael wrote a comment that cut like a hot knife to the core of my dilemma on the last post
Everyone has to find their own balance, but I know my slave/wife Serafina would say this is an example of why an individual can't truly ever serve but a single Dom/Master/Mistress.

When you say that "non-Dom" takes precedence, it should become clear that Sir is a dominant play partner but not truly a Master. By definition, a true Master would always take precedence . . .
At first this comment caused me swoop down, dragging my chin on the ground as the impossibility of what I am searching for sank into my psyche. Michael is very very right and I know it. I have always known it. Somehow I hoped I could experience serving (to use the popular vernacular) a Master-Sir while still honouring my non-Dom.

Nope, can't be done. The best I can hope for is to learn through play. To pretend to serve (that vernacular again). The Master-Sir will be a 'Dominant play partner' nothing more, nothing less. Is this then a reason to risk the happiness of my non-Dom? I broached the subject with non-Dom (who by the way has begun to control the pantie issue with some amount of structure!). On advice from another source (Ty Daddy), I explained to non-Dom that if he was able to really step up, to take the bull by the horns, control the slut by the short and curly's, the delicious little whore would quite possibly not ever feel the need to search for another. His answer surprised me..made me a little hot and again gave me that permission I have courted for a very long time.

'There's something about sending you off to be used, punished by another man who will send you back to me red arsed, that I like...a lot'

I do love it when my non-Dom expresses his kink.

So, I agree 100% with Michael's and Serafina's point. I don't like it but i agree with it. Unfortunately not everyone and I am included amongst this unfortunate lot, has had the luck to find the One who is their significant other AND their Dom/Master/Mistress. Ours is a fate that does not hold with it the perfect conditions to 'truly ever serve but a single Dom/Master/Mistress.'

Bill Brandt: Camden Hill

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Master vs Sir

OK a problem has presented itself!
Remember  I asked can a girl serve two Masters?

Well this week the instructions are conflicting.
Sir says 'No panties all week'.
Non-Dom? He has decided to choose my panties all week!

Arrrrgh..of course non-Dom will take precedence. Is there some way Sir will accept this? Arrrrg!


She was very excited as she lept on the bed, the new package all the way from England had arrived. She'd been waiting for weeks. She waited through all the delays, manufacturers and fabric suppliers. The day had finally arrived and there it was, the package on her doorstep. Now kneeling on her bed she unwrapped the package. It was heavier than she expected. she ripped back the tissue paper to reveal the first of three corsets.

It took her breath away. The deep ruby red satin fabric over-layed in in black organza. The front was beaded with tiny shiny black beads in swirls and patterns that reminded her of the burlesque beauties she had seen upon the stage. Metal clasps down the front shone silver in the light from the bedside lamp. She traced the curve of the garment with her fingers. It had taken her all day to get to her parcel. She had been busy being mum. Soccer, grocery shopping, a friends project that she was working on in her spare time...and now here was a moment for her. She turned over the restrictive undergarment wondering how on earth she was going to get it on. The fabric was substantial between her fingers, the boning was of steel and as she held the laces at the rear between her fingers for the first time she shivered with anticipation and excitement. The modesty panel at the back meant that she would not feel the lace on her skin but as she held it between her fingers she felt the heat in her begin to grow.

She stripped her clothes off  and pulled on a pair of ruffled red and black panties admiring the curve of her bottom in the mirror and now what about those cherry pumps she received the other day...hmmm yes they would do nicely. Thinking for a moment about how she would negotiate the corsetry she loosened the laces wide keeping the metal clasps locked in their position. Her nipples were hard little nubs swimming the her ample pink flesh. She had turned the oil heater on but it had not yet managed to take the evening Autumn chill off the air. She looked for a moment in the mirror, adjusting the corset and her breasts within the encasement. Reaching behind her her hand felt for the length of lace falling from her middle of her back. Taking one of the double ties in each hand she pulled until her arm were straight and out to her sides, parallel to the carpeted floor. She pulled gracefully and slowly so that she could watch the change of her waist, the curve of her hips, so that she might feel the restriction growing, so that she might feel her breath being restricted, her womanliness coming to her with the hour glass that was accentuated at her bidding and all at once she saw how beautiful she was, even with her mum hair pulled roughly back in a ponytail and wind blown by the days events.

She was still looking at her curves, tracing them with her appreciative hands when his words woke her from her self absorption.

"I think you might need a little help."

His hands slid down the curve of her corseted waist and back to the laces, from the bottom he began to tighten the lace cinching her waist even more. She was thrilled by the movement of his pull firming the constriction of the corset. He began to exert an even pressure over her torso which at once comforted her and caused her to gush with heat and moisture between her thighs. The tighter he pulled, the more he jerked on the laces, the closer she came to that edge.

Finally, when he was satisfied with the shape he had sculpted in her body he stepped back and reclining on the bed he said in a quiet voice,

"Turn around. Let me see you."

She turned, slowly so he could admire the curves of her breast waist and arse. She wanted to wear the corset always. The restriction made her feel safe, secure, free from fear, anxiety, or doubt. She was confined, her body no longer free but controlled. She was wet and he knew it.

He stood in front of her, the 5 inch heels she wore brought her eye to eye with him.


He held her hand to support her descent.

She looked up to His eyes.

He placed his thumb and forefinger under her chin.


can the delicious little whore have it all?

The girl wants her cake, and a bloody big spoon to eat it!

Let them eat Cake! she cries.

What, you might wonder, is she on about this time? As you may or may not be aware, I have come perilously close to 'playing' with a local Dom man. The stage is set, the lights are on, the audience is seated and we wait for the action. Exciting times on the brink wondering when or even whether it will begin in earnest.

But! and here's the thing..the girl is still unsatisfied. Arrrgh! Why she wonders, is she pouting and stamping her foot! Because she still desperately wants this man, the One to be her non-Dom. She fantasises in quiet moments that she might have the luxury of two Dom men. One she loves...and one who might 'hit me, beat me, whip me, make me write bad cheques."

Can the girl have it all?

Can she have two Dom men?.. or three? now thats just being silly!

Can a dog have two Masters?

Will her non-Dom explore his fledgling Dom and exert control?

Will the new man, the experienced local Dom move to take his control?

This and more to be answered in up coming episodes of the Willing Slut, Apply Within.

photographer unknown

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

she lost control

She lost control.

He reached over and placed his hand on the back of her neck. Pulling her towards him firmly pressing her neck, quietening her.


She became silent as he pressed her into his chest. Tears flowing down her cheeks. She felt the struggle leaving her. The anger dissipating.

He kissed her brow but held her neck firmly still.
He pulled the hairpins fastening her curls against the frustrations of the day, slowly and with purpose, gently so that not a hair pulled at her scalp independent of the others. It was soothing to her. Each pin sliding from her blond curls. Then he removed the flower decorating her crown and placed it softly to the side. His hand following the flow of her hair as he slid the band gathering her hair tightly.

She was relieved, the frustrations of her life melted from her as he held her tight. She could hardly breathe in the firmness of his arms. Not allowing her to squirm. Restricted. Not allowing her to move, to think. She just stayed in his arms until she forgot how she got there. His arms, his kiss, soothing like a balm.

David Le Beck

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

he wants me, he wants me not, he wants me! or Yo-Yo slut

My non-Dom, my loved partner is having trouble with his decision.
Allowing me to seek a Master, Daddy, Sir , Dom outside our relationship was to say the least brave. Some say expressing his love for me.

I went on the journey of discovery. I met a man, a potential Dom. We have been talking for a long while. I am in no rush, frustrated but in no rush. The local man has been patient. Now my non-Dom is struggling. He doesn't say anything but we have been together a long time, I see his struggle. He hasn't said 'stop' though he has the power to do so, but he is not happy.

A dilemma

My non-Dom told me to set up two email accounts, one for him, one for me. A response to me wanting to send him an email. He has never really explored D/s, the writings, the information out there. I wanted to share some sage words from Dom men. He does not have access to this blog and only recently knew of its existence. I admit I find it hard to trust him with my secrets which I can so easily share in anonymity with the blogging world.

So I set up the email addresses. He chose the names. He sent me an email.

Are you ready for the fun and games, my beautiful slut?

Those few words from him could sustain me more than all the chat with all the Dom's in the world.
but we have been near here before...