Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
Regular readers will know I yearn to submit to the non-Dom; My partner. Nothing excites me more than when he plays at his Dom, but it is just that, play. It lacks authenticity and conviction. He is wonderful at wielding the flogger and boy can he warm the girl's bottom with his hand (as I sit here I am still a little sore from yesterdays episode). But my non-Dom is not an outside the bedroom type and inside the bedroom activities are not regular. He is not interested in the subtleties of Domination. It is just not him. He does not crawl inside my mind and make it real. I have come to accept this in him and sometimes painful, very often frustrating as this may be he is the man I love. He is the man in life with whom I have faced seemingly overwhelming obstacles. The man who has had the power crushed me and who has put me back together again. He is the man I love so I won't be going anywhere soon. I would like the Dom in my life to be my partner but realise that my non-Dom will probably never be that man. I have not had play partners and I am unsure if I ever will. I need my non-Dom's permission for this.
I have reached the point however where I need to explore this with another. I need to explore offline, outside the purely sexual act..the screw, the fuck...you understand. I need the freedom to submit my mind. There are a few men that I have played with online and I have formed an attachment when they come into my cyber world. Mostly they float away again though are always fond memories. I enjoy settling with one man (there is always a favourite). The situation with my non-Dom means I cannot live 24/7 and even if possible, this is something that would not fit for me I think. To purely exist for Him would for me feel limiting though I acknowledge the argument that it is very freeing for some. Negotiation between parties I think, but for me, not right now.
So! The short answer to this question is I am exploring and growing. Never say never and nothing is written in stone. I will submit to a real Dom in anyway that is required by Him or lets not forget the ladies, in anyway that is required by Her. He will be smart, pure intelligence gets me very wet, every single time. He will be able to challenge me on an intellectual level and in fact overwhelm my intellect with His superiority. I found the One, as it is often labeled, a very long time ago but he is so distant as to be impractical. I guess now, he is the measure by which I gauge all Dom men who might cross my path.
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