Thursday, April 19, 2012

Day six - submission six

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Arrrgh!

This question disengaged me completely. I had no idea on the surface. Is this asking is there some deep dark secret in my childhood which made me like this..Rubbish! I have no childhood memories which encouraged this in me. There has been no great tragedy.

It is innate, natural. It is nature not nurture. A fine statement coming from a student of anthropology!

MM told me of women he knows who had spanking fantasies in grade 2 (about 6 to 8 yrs old maybe younger). When I consider this I think ...well that's amazing. Such a young child can have these feelings. I had nothing like that which makes me wonder if my feelings are a construct of my own choosing as opposed to an innate need that these women clearly have. There have always been fantasies of capture and restraint. From memory they began when I burst into puberty when I was 11yrs old but were certainly well formed by the time I was 13 or 14.
Day six is asking about this very thing.  What made you this way?..I don't know. Its a question I think about nature vs nurture. Though I don't know that I have ever thought about it that deeply.

I saw a film recently, A Dangerous Method. It describes the turbulent relationships between Carl Jung, founder of analytical psychology, Sigmund Freud, founder of the discipline of psychoanalysis, and Sabina Spielrein, initially a patient of Jung and later a physician and one of the first female psychoanalysts (via wikipedia). A greater part of the story tells of Sabine, distraught and unwell, rooted in her shame of her need to be spanked. A powerful scene when she admitted 'liking' spanking and being sexually aroused by spanking from the age of about 4.

I don't have this and I don't have this deep seated need for spanking. My need is around strength and in fact force ( shock and awe ;)...but that might be for another post!

The second part of Day 6 asks what role does my submission play in my life? Is it a tool for relationship management. I really don't think this question applies and I am having a great deal of trouble answering it. My submission is just a major source of frustration to me right now!

Is it a sexual thrill? something else..or something more?
I am stimulated sexually, psychologically, emotionally, physically. It is base, it is core.




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