Friday, December 23, 2011

Yaldah Tovah - The Healthy Submissive, my learning curve continues

This spun me when I received these few words in my email box today:

There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another’s soul bare, and the power to stand naked.

Yaldah Tovah

I began to search for more by this 'Yaldah Tovah' Hebrew for good girl.  I have no doubt that a lot of you more experienced than I am with TTWD are familiar with her writings. My interest is piqued. She described in her essay 'The Healthy Submissive' (2001) the traits of a submissive woman. My mind blew its bounds, she is describing me!
  1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.
  2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.
  3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.
  4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.
  5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.
  6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.
  7. The healthy submissive is playful.
  8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.
  9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.
  10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent 'wrongness' about those needs.
  11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.
  12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself 'as is' is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what 'her' truth should be.
  13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.
  14. The healthy submissive hungers to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service.
Of course it has also crossed my scrambled brain that this is my own perception and it may not be the woman that others see in me and born of rage or trauma as a girl? Maybe. Maybe this is just how I want to see myself in much the same way that I might be convinced of the presence of ghostly apparitions by a skilled psychic or the horoscope penned in the morning paper. There is always an element of doubt.

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