Friday, December 16, 2011

the closet (O DOMeo, DOMeo where for art thou?)

     There is something about a good D/s relationship that makes 
     us feel whole, complete, cherished, adored and yet shamed, humiliated, degraded 
     and used all at the same time. I just don't think anyone who doesn't do TTWD would
     understand. (squirrel)

Squirrel left this in the comments on a recent post here. I think it captures in essence what I have tried to say in a million words. It captures that for which I search.

Its a hard search and that is down to me. I am cautious. Nervous even. I am wary of being exposed as the kinky bitch I am in my work and in my life. I am in the closet in TTWD, a taste of how a gay man or woman sometimes lives in secret. Don't get me wrong, I don't pretend to presume I have a gay persons troubles, but as far as hiding, closeted, I am there.

I cannot confide in friends, family. TTWD is not widely accepted (though I suspect there are more people like me than I know).

This makes it hard to find someone. I am partnered. My man is not my Dom. His interest does not match mine. So he has in his hands a woman who craves, who yearns, who needs to submit, who seaches for her Sir, Daddy, Master. He cannot lead. He cannot answer my need.... grrr ...frustrated Sub girl.

Finding someone else is the key. I am not a free person to do that as you see. I need to bring him along on the journey. To have his permission. Most of all I need to expose myself, step out of the closet.

I hate hiding in the shadows, in the closet with what inside me feels the most normal and natural course in the world for me.

The dark of the closet is making me shrivel..sapping my energy, my sexual self, my playful me. I hate the closet and I want to be free of it, to bend how I need to bend, to submit.

I feel like I can't do it by myself...enter Dom in knights shining armour stage left.
Artist: unknown (? Helmut Newton)


  1. good luck on finding in your Dom knight in shining armor so you get to bend and submit.


  2. Thank you FD..its all a bit of a fools errand I think but a girl can live in


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