Sunday, October 16, 2011

DD or TTWD whats the difference?

Oh bloody hell..a dilemma! I read Lisa's blog re DD and from here I went elsewhere and onto there..then somewhere else. I had discovered domestic discipline, DD, HoH. I had known all these terms a little but never really investigated further.

There is a push and pull I feel when reading Lisa's story of her adventure with her new friend. On one hand hot, like naughty little girls up to mischief while their HoH's were doing what they do in the daytime. How I remember being that mischievous when I was a much younger girl, well lets face it, I still am that girl.

As read blogs and followed the DD paradigm I began to feel unsettled. Unsettled in the same way I was uncomfortable as I had discovered more deeply the subtleties of TTWD, BDSM and the like. I felt my feminist self straining upwards and my sub began to struggle. I question why the woman in the DD dynamic is always in need of corrective action. The recipient of punishment for transgressions. 

June Cleaver
Yes, damn it, this has made my sub struggle. The path I followed lead me to Learning domestic discipline and the art of the lecture where Clint demonstrates for husbands the lecturing art with a hypothetical..the wayward wife has been ticketed by the police for txting while driving. What struck me though is that surely His wife might not be the only one guilty of such a misdemeanor. Surely her HoH may be just as guilty of such a crime. What stands between HoH and crimes of this nature? Some would say self discipline. But who corrects the behaviour of an errant HoH? Must He just be trusted to always do the right thing? Ah again..its key isn't it?
A naive discussion and questioning I know, coming from a direction of just not understanding. As always my questions are not a judgement of those happy couples who practice DD. The questions are for me. They apply to me and my situation. (it's always ALL about me she pouts :))

I don't think I respond positively to punishment. I respond to play (which might look like punishment but never feels like it! :)). Knowing I have pleased Him in what ever way He decides to take His pleasure is the source of my joy. If I have displeased Him or been disobedient, THAT is punishment..His displeasure, His disappointment cuts like a knife and reduces me to tears. I need to feel smaller and littler in every way than a Dom every way. My need to feel that smallness is at the core of my submission. Maybe that's why I enjoy older Dom men. I need to feel the restraint of his hand, of his leather and ropes. I need to feel used, almost abused. I need to see His cruel nature, to taste His strength, His control. Then and only then, I feel His respect, His regard and His appreciation of me.  

Having said that..why doesn't my feminist struggle with that description? Why do I get wet, hot and breathless instead? My sub feels her power when I describe that situation in those words.


  1. It would be my feeling that while the two things might cross, DD and TTWD are ultimately different things. You allude to the assumption that women perpetually need correction ... and express an instinctive distaste for the idea. I would think that is as it should be. The whole notion of DD thus has little allure for me ... it feels like a relic of patriarchal culture I can personally do without.

    TTWD on the other hand has no such inherent gender biases ... it centres on the submission of an individual to a trusted other regardless of whether the relationship is straight, bi or whatever ... and whether the Dom/sub pair is male/female or female/male. It makes no assumptions about the inherent superiority of men or the inherent weakness of women that would seem to be fundamental to the DD approach.

  2. @ Anon. You may have nailed this a little more clearly for me, thank you for your considered response. At the heart of it maybe it is my perception of gender inequality that unsettles me about DD, however I remain naive re the subtleties of the DD journey so until I learn more I will get splinters from the fence I am sitting on.


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