Tuesday, September 20, 2011

thoughts to me

Have you ever reached that 'oh shit' moment, that one where you hope its going to be OK but it has the potential to go horribly wrong?

I have.

I have trusted. My trust has not been betrayed and deep down I think it won't be.

But I have done it. Bit by bit I revealed my secrets. Revealed the doozy that I have kept so close. I know he is reading this..another of my 'rules' broken....Never let a Man or hub know this blog is here. These inner thoughts of me..this other she in me.

Quite recently, I told my husband P, it exists though he doesn't know what it is, where it is and he is content to leave me to 'think' in private.

Nude Study - Joseph Sudek
But He, that one who found me through this..He is watching. I find I quite like that :) but I have always been concerned about censorship, self censorship if someone is watching other than the faceless among you. I want to be able to say it all (well almost all) here. I want to say slutty things, princess whore things. I want to be able to stamp my foot, even if its at Him.

He is under my skin, He is different, though all Men are. I have revealed more to Him than anyone..he knows what makes me tick, at least he has all the pieces of the puzzle to put it together.

I am exposed and vulnerable and fighting like hell my desire to run. You might know how I
 am want to run!

So that's it...scared, vulnerable and laying my trust with Daddy.

2 comments:

  1. That's a complicated situation. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with having that separate place for yourself where no one will be judging you. You can either try to deal with your inability to express yourself completely with someone you supposedly trust so completely, or you need to start yet another blog, the third eye so to speak.

    Good luck, hopefully you will keep the posts coming. I always enjoy your blog.

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  2. NDT- back from holiday? Thanks for this. At the moment I am posting what I wish. Is it not also an exercise in trust? Perhaps I need to also finish the story for the Wizard, get back on my track!..long overdue :)

    x L

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