Friday, September 30, 2011

today is another day

It is another day,  

I have done something I thought I would never ever do.
A milestone

Vulnerable

Open

Exposed

Slutty

and terribly, terribly submissive

I am hoping like hell my trust has been laid at the right mans feet.

Still wondering why I did what I did
Why I exposed everything that is me to him..after all He is a correspondent... so far away and in another life
that it is highly unlikely we will ever meet. A mentor.

Somehow he has unwrapped me.

Somehow he has allowed me to be vulnerable in my own time.

Now I am opened to him, exposed.

and I don't know how I feel about that.



-----------------

I had a note from loveboudoir.com telling me that they had linked my blog to their site under the  kink section. I always love my kinky bitch side..

Anyway... I went and had a look and it seem like the gang's all there..all of my contacts and more. So the banner and link to the Love  Boudoir site is over on the right..go and have a look if you want. All the fantastic blogs we like to read.

No looking back

Thursday, September 29, 2011

she lets her peek through

Disclaimer: this is not upbeat, its a tiny bit self indulgent, so move on if you need to, see you on the upside x

I shouldn't be writing. I suspect this will be a downbeat paragraph or two.


Exhausted, out of time, out of energy.


Life has been overwhelming lately and the smiles I've felt getting to know Daddy have been over shadowed by the other me. The the public me. He has been unwrapping the other me, the me I reveal here, which has been nice. That she has been dancing around the mulberry bush hoping for her hub to catch up, to take part, and to take control.

Things had been looking good until about three or four months ago when the delicious little whore was knocked flat. Thrown off her hands and knees. She clawed her way back but her sweet hub has not. The crazy months have settled but there is still residual difficulties that I just wish I didn't have to deal with.


So I am a bit despondent today. Waiting for him to be strong again and I admit I am struggling a bit to stay afloat. Trying to balance all the things in our life that need balancing. I am forgetting a lot, failing. Calls from school..where's your child..eek! forgot to cancel sorry!, parents needing help, hub needing constant support. Work demanding results from its part timer in a full time role...hmmm running seems a good option right now.


In a perfect world I would have some strong arms to deliver myself into....In a perfect world.


But that's just today..'I can't think about that now. I'll think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day' (cue music....:) )

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Daddy's needs

I was directed to the latest post over at little butterfly. This post resonated with me. The frustration resonated. 

She is fortunate enough to have her Dom, her Daddy living with her. I took a stroll over to her Daddy's blog and found an almost distressed Daddy. Concerned with their direction, concerned with her performance as his obedient girl, concerned with his performance as her Daddy and questioning his worth as a Daddy. Frankly on that note, what a brave man to say all those things out loud. What a brave Dom to admit the things he has said out loud to blog land.

Sometimes, no! all the time, I want to expect another to take control, to be in control, to know all the answers and take all the pressure. Dom men are human beings (obvious) and must be cared for. Is it not my responsibility to make sure that I act in a way that enables his strength to emerge? To not continually challenge his decisions, to not take control, act up, be bratty? Perhaps this is where a woman's contemporary upbringing is her own worst enemy. Letting go of the need to be the strong independent woman she has been and allow herself to be His girl. Maybe this is the learning that is the toughest. I know it is for me.

How does a girl take care of her Dom, Daddy, Master. How does his mental and emotional strength remain so when His joy becomes a burden. When he is to be the One in control, the go to person, the strong one in control of His girl. ( I have been quite sexist in describing the D/s gender relationship in the way I have. I am lazy and acknowledge that my question applies to a wider gender relationship spectrum).

I would particularly like to hear from the Dom's amongst you as well as the sub sisters.


Clara Bow "true t the Navy"


Friday, September 23, 2011

friday picture punch

Hope you all have a weekend filled with fun, (frol)licks and nice red bottoms xx


Archie Patenaude, PatenaudePhotography.com


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

thoughts to me

Have you ever reached that 'oh shit' moment, that one where you hope its going to be OK but it has the potential to go horribly wrong?

I have.

I have trusted. My trust has not been betrayed and deep down I think it won't be.

But I have done it. Bit by bit I revealed my secrets. Revealed the doozy that I have kept so close. I know he is reading this..another of my 'rules' broken....Never let a Man or hub know this blog is here. These inner thoughts of me..this other she in me.

Quite recently, I told my husband P, it exists though he doesn't know what it is, where it is and he is content to leave me to 'think' in private.

Nude Study - Joseph Sudek
But He, that one who found me through this..He is watching. I find I quite like that :) but I have always been concerned about censorship, self censorship if someone is watching other than the faceless among you. I want to be able to say it all (well almost all) here. I want to say slutty things, princess whore things. I want to be able to stamp my foot, even if its at Him.

He is under my skin, He is different, though all Men are. I have revealed more to Him than anyone..he knows what makes me tick, at least he has all the pieces of the puzzle to put it together.

I am exposed and vulnerable and fighting like hell my desire to run. You might know how I
 am want to run!

So that's it...scared, vulnerable and laying my trust with Daddy.

Friday, September 16, 2011

friday picture punch

I love pictures. I appreciate images more than words. So late in the week..on fridays I hope to post a picture that captures my imagination.

Bettie Page

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

the joy of nipples

I have a confession, something I have known but never told, never admitted. I have never been a fan of the play of nipples!  I hear each gasp of the small audience who fly by the journal of my inner she. Fear not, I have another confession. I have never actually tried anything nippley. Hub has never offered (ordered...sigh) and I have never asked!

So with this in mind, how could I possibly know I was adverse to the tweak, the bite, the twist or the pull. Sensitive nipples and the fear of pain at the lightest squeeze I guess.

Tonight however all that has changed. Tonight I begged for my nipples to be tortured, twisted, pulled and abused. Be careful what you wish for...

I was particularly needy tonight, begging for anything and everything. I begged for my bottom to be abused, I begged to be fucked, I begged for my bottom to be spanked hard and I begged to masturbate...then they just fell out of me. Those words. He didn't ask me to beg for it but I did.

"Pleeease twist, Pleeease pull, pleeeease hurt my nipples"

I was as surprised as he was and he obliged willingly and enthusiastically. What a wonderful husband.

I came like the roaring forties, thoughts of "Cum for Daddy" in my head as those nipples were exercised. I hadn't ever seen them stretched to that long in my life. Twisting, pulling, jiggling, pinching...little squeals of delight and pain. Delicious.

So now as I sit here with nipples glowing pink and a little painful, here's the question..I think it's time for nipple clamps, but before someone decides for me (hello Daddy), I hope to gain some insight from the experts among you..I know some of you are out there...give me some advice...'Nipple Clamps for Dummies', 'Nipple clamps 101' or 'Nipple clamps for beginners and princesses'.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

in the end...a question

One thing that troubles me, that makes me wonder about TTWD and the dynamic of giving yourself completely to another's control...is what happens when it ends?

There have been a few blogs usually by submissive women that for what ever reason have parted from their Dom, their Master, their Daddy (sharp breath). Some women pour out their hearts in text and they are broken, crumpled.

A question I have always struggled with and wondered about. What happens in the end, if there is an end?

A submissive is asked to give everything to her / his Dom(me). Everything, all control. All control is given, all decision making in some cases and there are those examples of financial submission. Submission in this way, in my view, changes who we once were. A journey of discovery and learning but also change.  So in the end is there any responsibility for a D to transition out of the relationship. To make sure that their former sub will be OK emotionally; to know how they should navigate the financial predicament they may find themselves in? After all a D has led his s here to this place.

I acknowledge that there are degrees of submission and these are negotiated between a D and their s. So a split or ending may not be as complex as I imagine. Interesting to ponder though. I see a few blogs with sub women in this situation and they are emotionally fragile. It could be argued that this is a condition of all relationship breakdowns whether vanilla or TTWD, but is there a difference, when all control has been handed to your Dom? Is there a responsibility for a Dom to protect their sub from harm while transitioning out of a relationship...or is the clean break the best way?

Your thoughts?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

i'm back Daddy

I am back having done as i was told.

Panties off in the bathroom of the restaurant.
I removed my black heeled shoes and my stockings, my feet bare on the cold tiled toilet floor. I slid down my panties and stepped out of them one leg at a time.

Pulling my fishnet stockings back on I was careful not to rush and tear a hole in them.
Once the stockings were straight and in place I felt the breeze fly up though the tiny diamond spaces to my bare pussy. I stepped into my shoes. I liked the click-clack sound the leather shoes made on the tiles of the toilet floor as I tried to step into them quietly and delicately avoiding anyone else in the bathroom hearing and wondering why I had removed my shoes in the restaurant toilet. Screwing my thong panties into a little ball I placed them in the palm of my hand and thrust them deep into my handbag and returned to the table where my three girlfriends sat laughing with glasses of wine raised to their lips.

I had already begun to feel my pussy throb, growing warm and moist. I had already been pretty moist in anticipation of carrying out your instruction, but now, it was almost like I was opening, stretching, in search of something to fill my aching pink flesh.
I spent the rest of the evening through the main meal and then coffee squirming in my seat with the growing heat of my bare pussy.

After dinner I was wet and tingly. My mind drifted to my pantyless state as I drove home "sitting proper" in my seat, my skirt hitched up, my bare fishnet clad pussy wetting on the seat.

I had enjoyed my task.

Friday, September 9, 2011

fantasy for Sir

I thought all day as I rushed around with errands. What is a fantasy of mine other than to be owned completely and all that might mean?

I have always dreamed about being tied, bound in some way and used in what ever way a stranger might use me. Alone in my bed, sleeping and enter a stranger, a trusted stranger. Earlier he has instructed me how I must be waiting. Naked, asleep, and with some devices that may be used for binding, scarves, rope, any other things that might be useful I have been told to get together in anticipation.

Asleep, a hand goes tight over my mouth, hand to my mound, "quiet" whispers a deep voice gruffly, fingers probing into my quickly moistened warmth

A jangle of metal buckles as leather cuffs are tightened around my ankles and wrists...a collar around my neck...the clink of metal fasteners wrists to ankle..his hand twisting through my hair pulling my head back.

Then, that sound..the belt buckle undone, the whoosh of the leather through belt loops....finally the sting, the kiss of leather on my presented bottom. The anxiety of the first time, letting go in trust.
----------------------------
I had only 20 minutes before I wasn't alone...I flew into my bedroom ripped my jeans and panties with pink dots down to my knees. I didn't bother removing my t shirt and pink lace bra. I kicked my strappy black sandals off.

I  reached into my side cupboard for my We-Vibe..my little purple beast hoping like hell it would be charged..it's been so long since I have dived into my vibrator bag.
As luck would have it, it was buzzing...onto my clit and inside my pussy it slid. A little wet but not too much...soon changing with the touch of the vibe.

I was building quickly, very quickly, playing my fantasy in my head. Meeting for the first time. The anxiety, trepidation.

Then a wicked idea came to me...  I wonder if the other vibrator has a battery in it? ;)
I rolled to the cupboard next to my bed leaving the first vibrator in place to do its work and found with delight the other vibrator did indeed have some life in it!...a little lubricant and this one slid with a little effort into my waiting, aching pink puckered bottom. I felt very dirty, very wicked and very slutty...and so relieved.

Building to waves of ecstasy I let go, not too loud, just quietly intense. It was very nice. I touched my engorged little button and thought, mmm I think I need to do this again. Almost immediately I came again.

I felt my she returning. The delicious little whore wiggling her arse again.


With a rush and a flurry and a very fuzzy brain I leaped to my feet (I would have rather had a sleep) and dressed, giggling at my wickedness. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, my hair was definitely reminiscent of the girl who has been fucked. Covering one eye..the other eye was dreamy looking. My face looked as mushy as my head felt. I had that look about me that I love..satisfied and just fucked.

I thought I should take a photo of this look for Sir..lol and laughed at myself..maybe one day..

X enjoy 

zzz - Dean Yeagle


Monday, September 5, 2011

begging

Hello Sir

I have returned after exercise and showered. I did not dress as requested, and finished some household chores, took breakfast and now ...

I sit on the floor, my legs wide, bent at the knees my feet either side of the laptop, on display for you. This position reminds me of Schroeder as he sits at his toy piano in the Charlie brown series I loved when I was a much littler girl. My breasts hang squeezed between my arms as I type. My nipples a little erect and I'm not really sure if that's the cold or the excitement I feel at the moment.

I feel the chill of the spring air. The sky is blue through the three open windows and the sun is returning after the long winter.

My hair hangs in wet waves to just past my shoulders and I stroke the skin of my bare legs down to my toes and up again to my inner thighs, lingering for just a moment on my displayed pussy. Trying not to be distracted...back to the task at hand! 

Sir

I want to submit.
I need to submit.
I want to bend to you.
Bow to your will.
Please will you accept my submission to you.
To be guided, to be held, to be subdued by your strength, by your calmness and surety.
Please will you to take my control from me to your own control.
Teach, train or mentor me in any way you choose.
Take pleasure from me and in me.
Let me submit and serve.
Let me call you Sir, my Daddy, to have me for whatever you see I need.
Let me sit naked at your feet, my head on your knee.
I trust you in all these things.
via imarumblr@tumblr.com
(artist unknown to me, if anyone knows please let me know for proper acknowledgement)

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Her...and She

Amazing post : Her (Vesta's Submission) cut directly down to my she. Clarified my delicious little whore..yes that's it, my she is two she's.

One she is Daddy's girl, a little pouty she. "yes Daddy", "Yes Sir", "Please Daddy can I?".


artist unknown
Via tumblr
The other she? hmm I like that other she. Maybe like Vesta describes, not very submissive. Maybe! there is no maybe about it! This she knows her power..the power of a slut. The She who is greedy, demanding, attention seeking, provocative..and revels in her whore. This she wiggles her arse in the knowledge of it's power. This she..the she that breathes with each pulse of her blood, this she wants to be taken and subdued. It's this she who begs for his control through her attention seeking, her wiggling arse. She needs to be spanked and she wants her cheek slapped. Surprised into submission, feeling his strength as she bend under him. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

acceptance

A mentor, the delicious little whore is considering such. Maybe the next step. To learn, to be guided.

I went back and did some reading..in fact I read my whole blog...I write about sex frequently don't I? Apologies for the gratuitous sex posts - just inspired I guess.

The posts have been good for me. They have reminded me just how far my journey has come and that my husband has travelled the road with me to a certain extent. I had not realised just how much.

Beckmann - Siesta
I have been cradling him  over the last little while. He is not in the same place he was earlier in what appeared to become 'our' journey. I must care for him. He will return to himself but right now he is not. I am accepting that he is not who I need him to be and will likely never be that man. I love him and my acceptance of his place in fulfilling my needs has made me calm (at least for now...I change a lot!)