I have recently found the adventures of sin. A woman, a 'sub-sister' she says who has a husband, a family and a Master (who is not her husband). Her husband appears to know pieces of her sub life. I was inspired by her recent post Basket of Stuff. A clear and concise picture of the dilemma that faces a lot of sub women. At least that's my impression from what I read in blogs. I don't knowingly know any sub women in my real life.
It got me thinking, not that I ever really need an excuse! Sin's post reminds me how complex this life is. If you are like me, you didn't come to your sub realisation until it was too late. By that I mean that you have committed yourself in marriage or in word to another. You may like me, have a family. You may like me, have experienced all the ups and downs that those vanilla relationships offer though I don't deny that a D/s relationship goes through the same ups and downs. You may like me, be in your 4th decade or more, regretting the time lost while you sat in your vanilla life influence more by feminist rhetoric than your true desire....or maybe not!
I have not, like sin had the opportunity to be in a true long term D/s relationship. I have played around the edges and this is fundamentally unsatisfying. I wish for the freedom to submit that Sin has experienced.
If you have read a few posts back here you will understand that my husband has given me his permission to indulge my needs..though at the moment only online. I will not deny that I went out pretty quickly to play. I am indulging in a guilt-free guilty-pleasure though I have not told my husband...old habits.
I long to one day be in the same position as Sin. Husband, family, and Dom...hopefully visiting in the flesh! But that is the next saga in the story. I am very mindful of what a long road it has been to get his permission...and how easily it might be rescinded if these things don't work out to his satisfaction.
The girl is in the candy shop. The delicious little whore wiggles her arse. Her heart beats, the excitement heats. She is about to burst...she needs His control lest she spin into the stars, free falling.
Oh! she gets so poetic when the possibilities present...she is at her core a drama queen. She thinks too much and is too emotional..this she has been accused of in the past. She thinks this is not so bad though. Without the pulse of emotion and thought what fun would she be. How would He toy with her if not for these qualities she possesses.
She trembles with anticipation. A little lost..but very very excited about the futures possibilities.
At the candy shop by CrooshxPhotos via deviant art
My true one..my husband has given me something I thought he never would.
One of my fellow bloggers began a path with a Dom man not her husband. I would like to put a link here but my apologies..I am still living in secrecy and to avoid being found out by real life will not include the link this time.
So taken was I with the path she has ventured on I discussed it with my Hub. I told him that I read her blog because she and her husband reminded me of us. She, desperately wanting her husband to be all the Dom she needed and he, not entirely able to be that man. My husband agreed that this was our situation.
the picnic - Gil Elvgrin
I was fearful, anxious and nervous. I braved his reaction and asked how he would feel about me doing the same, if online only. I asked him for his permission to seek a Dom man, online, who might answer my need.
I had planted the seed. He didn't over react. I asked him to think about it though neither of us knew exactly what it would mean, what it might look like, what boundaries might need to be explored.
Last night he gave me his permission. My heart lept to heights it had no been before. It was like a burden was completely gone. The guilt of talking with Dom men online disappeared.
I was freed, I was completely in love with him. I felt he was finally taking care of me. I felt his trust in me to hold him gently and not hurt him.
So.. what next? Where to from here? Flying high in the sky, way above the clouds I think I have never felt so easy, so unconcerned. But where to from here? It's all a horizon of possibility, probability and opportunity.
On my knees... My chin resting in your hand... My eyes cast up to you...trepidation. Meeting you for the first time. My virgin touch slides around your legs. Feeling their firm strength under my fingertips. My breath quickening as I feel your heat growing.
Your fingers pull me with purpose closer to you. My cheek feels the warmth of your hard hot cock. A kiss, the slightest touch.
Exploring your skin, smelling your excitement, the heat between my legs growing, the blood pouring into my little sensitive button. I can feel the ache growing in me as I explore your inside thigh with my tongue. Sliding over you tightening scrotum. Licking, tasting your sweet salt. One, two I take your firm balls into my mouth. Feeling them filling my mouth. my tongue pressing them to the roof of my mouth while I breath deeply your scent. I begin to lose myself in the warm of your groin. Finding where I belong. My tongue slides from the base of your shaft, discovering its firm softness, trailing to the tip of your glans. Tasting, drinking in your sweet pre-cum, feeling it fall from my rosy soft lips to my chin. Your hand running through my hair, I feel with excitement you twist my blond loose curls around your fist and guide my mouth over the tip of you cock. My lips part eager to take you in as far as I can, as far as you will allow, as far as you wish. I swallow you in, my tongue swirling around your throbbing glans, discovering you for the first time. Lost in heaven, lost on your cock. Learning your taste, your shape. My hand cradles your balls, squeezing them firmly, guided by your instruction. Looking up at you, my eyes wanting you. You guide my mouth, teaching me how you want my mouth, guiding me forcefully, fucking my mouth, fucking my throat. I forget myself, my trepidation falling away. My nervousness swallowed up as your pre-cum marries with my saliva and oozes from the corners of my mouth, dripping from my chin. Suck, lick and taking you all the way to the back of my throat. Being guided by you I give myself up to you, Your toy for your pleasure. Your fuck toy.
My delicious little whore raises her head and wiggles her arse. She is where she belongs. Your cock in her throat.