Who knows what to write, I have been missing a little while.
I have missed the posts I usually follow.
I have missed my Daddy.
Still needy, still trembling with expectation.
Unexpected delight today..He instructed me from his distance.
I have complied, with delight and reported today's events.
I am exhausted.
I am content.
I am composed.
My delicious little whore has wiggled her arse.
So I have been reading blogs. I love to read blogs. Personal accounts of this shiny world. Some sexy, some down right scary, but always awe inspiring.
I crave more, my husband and I only play at the edges. I wait for more from him and if it never comes then so be it. I will deal with it somehow.
I think of an affair to sate my affliction, but I never have. I am not sure why, many reasons I expect.
I am no good at a lie, I have an open and honest face. Possibly though, and probably more importantly I don't ever want to hurt him and the guilt I feel in deceiving him is acute.
I still don't understand my loyalty to him when he has cut me so deeply. Some would say I am a fool, as would I have said only a couple of years ago. Its more complicated than that though isn't it?
Some counselled me, "It's what you can tolerate". I discovered I can tolerate a lot more than I thought I ever would. I don't think I would ever be capable of it..an affair..but boy oh boy, would I love to try! lol!
in the mean time...
the delicious little whore has wiggled her arse.