Wednesday, March 23, 2011

the danger of the delicious little whore

He's away. Daddy's away. Out of her reach.

She is needy...so needy.

What does His babygirl do in this situation?

There are not enough rules, not enough instructions to fill her time.

A temptation to 'slut around'.

The delicious little whore is raising her head again.

Wiggling her arse.

Arrgh! come home Daddy! 

Monday, March 21, 2011

marks

Naughty knotty little monkey posed the question how much is too much? referring to marking, sporting the evidence of a good session's frolic on sub skin.

I have read the answers with much interest but not weighed in myself as I am so inexperienced I have no idea just how much is too much. I suspect though that I would not make a very good pain slut. Whilst revelling in the feeling of constraint and restraint, I do tend to squeal quite loudly at points in the proceedings when I am sure that most other confessed submissive women or men might say..."You call that a spanking, Sir".

This is a long winded way of saying I woke this morning and whilst doing my hair..aka trying to tame the witch into the smooth silky locks of the princess in the tower, I noticed reflected in the mirror marks on my neck and throat. Hmmm! I gasped at the blood blisters and finger tip marks. Then an extraordinary feeling travelled through me. The corners of my mouth turned up, my eyes brightened and I giggled "How much is too much Lulu?". 

via newground.com


Saturday, March 19, 2011

permission

It's a week of surprise and a little bit of wonder.


Gil Elvgren 1956 - no you don't!
I surprised myself today and my husband. I asked him, actually asked him if I could go to the shops tomorrow!

"Which shops?"

"To the pretty lacy frilly things shops to look at a bra and panties"

"Yes you can go,"  pausing for a moment, "Why are you asking me?" he said gently.

My eyes dropped to the floor, I didn't really know, I had never asked for permission before. I had sought his approval, but out of consideration, to make sure I wasn't causing inconvenience the family. I had never expected that I might not be able to do something. There had never been an understanding that he could deny me something...anything. There is not an explicit understanding of that nature now. This time I was asking permission. It was liberating. I feel no guilt leaving the family on a family day because he has given me permission to do so. He has taken that responsibility from me.

I thought for a moment.

"Well you might have had something planned, you might want me with you and...*hesitating*... I wanted to ask your permission."

He smiled softly "That was very considerate, it has pleased me enormously. Yes you may go to the shops tomorrow."



Friday, March 18, 2011

spanking...he leads

My husband stayed home from work today, not feeling well.


via littlegirllove (tumbler)
"All I can think about is putting you over my knee and giving you a good spanking."

I looked at him incredulously.

"You are not well, how can you be thinking of that!"

I was so surprised by his statement in light of him being ill, I quite forgot to be incredulous about the fact that he had never, not that he had ever said, thought about putting me over his knee. Its only now after the event that I realise how extraordinary it was.

I have been feeling a little blue and I'm not entirely sure why. Life is busy, family is hard, people are hurting.

"I don't understand what's wrong with me." I came to him watery eyed. I knelt on the ground at his side and laid myself across his chest. He began to rub my bottom...

"good girl. I know what you need."

He bared my bottom and began.

He made me cry, he made me very wet, he made me cum. He made me feel a lot better! 

I sit and nurse my bruised and stinging bottom.

My first marking...and I mustn't lose sight of the extraordinary fact that this was his direction, his initiation, not mine.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

sex and the sequoias


Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec
 A bright sunny day, it was going to be hot. An early bicycle ride in the national park. We rode for kilometres to the edge of the park.

At the cherry plantation planted earlier last century we got off our bikes and began to walk.

There was an inviting and shaded path reaching up further into the bush. Looking at each other silently we decided to follow it. We had no water, no gear other than a backpack with and camera and keys.

He walked behind me, propelling me firmly forward.

"That bare neck, just wanting to be held, to be directed." He placed his hand firmly on the nape of my sweaty neck and gripped the tresses of blond curls as they fell soft and wet with perspiration. He guided me along the path through the bush until we came to a clearing surround by an avenue of trees. Sequoias, tall and strong making the clearing cool.

I listened to the sounds of birds near and distant, the wind through the trees, the leaves slapping against each other..not a rumble of even distant traffic. 

He pulled me too him. His hand on the nape of my neck pressing me into him. His other hand slid to my breast and through my light cotton top pressed squeezed and kneaded it causing not an insignificant amount of pain. I took a breath quickly as he drew my mouth into his, his tongue probing inside my mouth. I melted, tingling, my pussy responding with little explosions of delight.

He guided me further down to the far end of the clearing, to a post and wire fence that sliced through the bush, heralding the end of the national park. Beyond was virgin bush.

From behind me his hand reached around my throat, fingers stretching to probe my mouth, his other hand slid down my pants and into my panties finding my clit already wet from the heat that flowed from my excited pussy. His lips touched the edge of my ear and his hot breath made me tremble as he spoke those words, "You are my little slut, my hot little whore aren't you?" 

I nodded while my eyes tried to fight rolling back in my head, darting around the bush instead. Was anyone watching? We were in such a public place. We wouldn't see anyone until they were on top of us the bush was so thick here. 

His low growl reverberated in my ear as he pulled my pants and panties down in one sure move.

"Get on your knees".

My eyes flew to his. Was he kidding? Was this real? What has got into him?

"On your knees now". 

Without further hesitation I dropped to my knees as he pulled his hard hot throbbing cock from his pants and guided it forcefully into my mouth. He fucked my mouth while I forgot myself, my trepidation falling away. My nervousness about getting caught seemed swallowed up as his pre-cum mixed with my saliva and oozed from the corners of my mouth and dripped from my chin.

He pulled out of my throat, spun me around and bent me over on hands and knees. Kneeling behind me, he thrust my knees apart with his to receive his cock all the way to the hilt in one forceful movement. He pulled my hair while fucked and thrust and reamed me hard. His strong fingers dug into my flesh, squeezing and twisting it until I yelped with the pain.

He groaned his pleasure as he came inside me. 

"Good girl...pull your pants up and feel my cum on your thighs".

He led me out of the clearing as I wiped the pre-cum from my face and mouth and felt his cum dripping down my thighs.

He was finding his way and leading me behind him.

Friday, March 11, 2011

he leads

The time: tonight after dinner
via lovedandled

The place: the wine bar

The happening: I sat on the couch and he asked if I was ready to go. The wine had diluted my stress, I felt floaty and didn't care when or where we went...

him: I should get you home.
me: *absent minded* mmmhmmm
him: rising to his feet.
me: distracted, beginning to watch and take notice of a lovely music video on the wall...remained sitting.
him: get up now please ...a stern and I mean it tone and manner.

I flashed a quizzical look at him, surprised and sizing up his meaning..he meant it, he didn't smile, he didn't feel silly, no evidence of that..

I felt my body respond, tremble, my nipples react, my pussy clench...
I picked up my bag and rose to my feet never removing my gaze from his eyes. He took my hand and led me away.

pictures

My life is surrounded by pictures. In the beginning there were images, in the end there will be images. I am a "visual" person. I think and see in terms of colour and form. I paint, though not so much these days for want of a space to splash my paint..so now I take pictures with whatever camera I find in my hand. Film and digital. This is my creative outlet. I collect other peoples pictures, images, emotional resonances and today...not one of my own, please enjoy... 

Eikoh Hosoe 1960


Thursday, March 10, 2011

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

disillusion

Losing the faith,

Helmut Newton
drifting away,
cut loose,
disengaging,
disengaged,
floating,
drowning,
deeper water,
up and over the waves,
drifting,
melancholy,
separating,
fingers parting,
sliding free,
pushing futile,
wishing,
disappointment,
stale,
dying on the fringe of summer.

As I draw to the end of my list...I want to curl into myself and sleep. Forget the day's disappointment and hope for a better tomorrow. On a roller coaster, Daddy, Husband, two men at my centre and yet neither help me be who I really am.

Something always missing, longing when I am alone.

Tonight I feel my sexuality fading, choking, dulled under male hands.

Sleep...tomorrow it will not seem so bleak..LOL...things always look better in the morning.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Daddy's instruction

Daddy gave me an instruction. It took my breath away. It scared me, made me doubt myself, doubt him. He was pushing too hard. I didn't say no, he told me "never say no to me" and I haven't...not since that one time.

Daddy found me. I was happy to chat, to get to know him, but it was clear to me that he was looking for someone far more confident with their submission than I. We chatted for a short time and he sensed I wasn't ready, he let me go.

I couldn't get him out of my mind even though I wanted to.

Later, when we connected again, he asked me what it was I thought he wanted from me.

My answer: Everything.

He laughed at me, but I think he knew I was right. I committed to him that I would try, but I warned that if he was looking for the perfect sub, then I wasn't her. That image of perfect submission always feels a long way from what I can deliver.

So Daddy pushed too far one day recently. I didn't say no, I knew I would try to do as he asked, but I thought I would fail at the eleventh hour. He was annoyed at my hesitation. He could hear it in me. While he talked to me my head was spinning, I was nauseous, I wanted to stop talking, to run away, to just let it settle and be still. The more he talked and pushed for the response he needed and wanted, the more I shut down, the more my head spun and the more I felt sick and began to tremble.

Now I should say that he was not asking anything that was really unreasonable to ask of his sub, his girl, but for me it was one of the hardest things he could ask, and it seemed too soon to me. I am still working on trust and he wanted me to jump further than I thought I could.

He finally let me go and stopped talking and within the described time frame, I did what he asked. All the while he pushed. Every message I received I heard his disappointment. He did not realise how hard I was trying to complete his instruction, and I was too anxious to convey that I was doing what he wanted...I shut down and I wanted him to be quiet!

I did what Daddy asked, I hated it, but for some reason I had to do it for him. I think it is now that he is beginning to understand what a huge thing it was for me. He is not pushing so hard at the moment and I feel myself moving toward him a bit more and that feels good.

I am not the perfect sub. I am not his perfect girl.