Tuesday, January 18, 2011

limbo

Tonight I am at a stalled state in my journey. Tired and treading water. Afraid and filled with anxiety that this journey will end...in nothing. I consider stepping outside my relationship to calm my frustration.

Satisfaction is minimal at the moment with online pursuits. Time is limited online. I am busy with work life and the seasonal round of holidays...and that means little privacy.

I am a private person, believe it or not, letting most things out from my mind under the guise of anonymity. Sometimes I think this is the only place where I can be me, but then I feel me begin to self censor. Stories, real or imagined, I commit here...though most are real, only a few have been fantastical stories of longing and desire.

Taking delight in reading the thoughts of others it give me a sense of connectedness, a feeling that my secret passions are not so secret and not so unusual. I am also aware of the cruel irony that a lot of you are like me. We exist as half a story, as a Ying to somebody else's Yang. Encouraging and leading the partner we love to act in a way that we need. To embrace ttwd. I live in envy of those of you who have found someone with which to share this.

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